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April 28th, 2007

Mr. King…Your Son Steven Is Under Arrest….

Disorderly conduct now means writing something that disturbs other people…

Student writes essay, arrested by police

High school senior Allen Lee sat down with his creative writing class on Monday and penned an essay that so disturbed his teacher, school administrators and police that he was charged with disorderly conduct.

"I understand what happened recently at Virginia Tech," said the teen’s father, Albert Lee, referring to last week’s massacre of 32 students by gunman Seung-Hui Cho. "I understand the situation."

But he added: "I don’t see how somebody can get charged by writing in their homework. The teacher asked them to express themselves, and he followed instructions."

Allen Lee, an 18-year-old straight-A student at Cary-Grove High School, was arrested Tuesday near his home and charged with disorderly conduct for an essay police described as violently disturbing but not directed toward any specific person or location.

The youth’s father said his son was not suspended or expelled but was forced to attend classes elsewhere for now.

Today, Cary-Grove students rallied behind the arrested teen by organizing a petition drive to let him back in their school. They posted on walls quotes from the English teacher in which she had encouraged students to express their emotions through writing.

"I’m not going to lie. I signed the petition," said senior James Gitzinger. "But I can understand where the administration is coming from. I think I would react the same way if I was a teacher."

Cary Police Chief Ron Delelio said the charge was appropriate even though the essay was not published or posted for public viewing.

Disorderly conduct, which carries a penalty of 30 days in jail and a $1,500 fine, is filed for pranks such as pulling a fire alarm or dialing 911. But it can also apply when someone’s writings can disturb an individual, Delelio said.

"The teacher was alarmed and disturbed by the content," he said.

But a civil rights advocate said the teacher’s reaction to an essay shouldn’t make it a crime.

"One of the elements is that some sort of disorder or disruption is created," said Ed Yohnka, a spokesman for the American Civil Liberties Union of Illinois. "When something is done in private—when a paper is handed in to a teacher—there isn’t a disruption."

(emphasis mine) I hear they’re going to pass a new law against Disturbing The Peace Of The People In Charge.  They say the penalties will be severe.


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The Jackass Chronicles…(continued)

Well now we know who’s to blame for all those darkies swarming over our borders…

Utah Republican Blames ‘The Devil’ For Immigration

If you really want to blame someone for trying to destroy the United States, point the finger at… Satan?

The devil, Lucifer… whatever you want to call it, one Utah Republican says it is he who is trying to bring the USA down.

And Satan’s apparent weapon of choice: Allowing illegal immigrants to cross the border.

According to The Salt Lake Tribune, Utah County District 65 Chairman Don Larsen has submitted a formal resolution to oppose the devil’s plan to destroy the country — to be discussed this weekend at the Utah County Republican Convention.

“In order for Satan to establish his ‘New World Order’ and destroy the freedom of all people as predicted in the scriptures, he must first destroy the U.S.,” Larsen’s resolution states. “[It is] insidious for its stealth and innocuousness.”

Larsen’s proposal to defeat Satan? Close the borders to illegal immigrants to “prevent the destruction of the U.S. by stealth invasion.”

Somebody wake me back up when the voters start electing grownups again…


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What Atrios Said…

We normally think of "High Broderism" as the worship of bipartisanship for its own sake, combined with a fake "pox on both their houses" attitude. But in reality this is just the cover Broder uses for his real agenda, the defense of what he perceives to be "the establishment" at all costs. The establishment is the permanent ruling class of Washington, our betters who know better. It is their rough agenda which is sold as "centrism" even when it has no actual relationship with the political center in a meaningful way. Democracy’s messy, in Broder’s world, and passionate voters are problematic. It is up to the Wise Old Men of Washington to implement the agenda, and the job of the voters to bless them for it. When the establishment fails, the most important issue is not their failure, but that the voters might begin to lose faith in and deference for their betters. Thus, people must always be allowed to save face, no matter what their transgressions, as long as they’re a part of his permanent floating tea party.

While this basic attitude isn’t unique to Broder, his apparent lack of interest in the actual details of policy makes him a more absurd figure than some. For him it’s not about results, but about the right people being in the right places. It is terribly elitist in all the wrong ways. Arguments can be made for certain types of elitism – you do want a brain surgeon conducting brain surgery – but Broder’s elites are simply aristocrats. It’s their town.

This has been another edition of What Atrios Said… 


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April 27th, 2007

And Now, A Public Service Message

From our Department Of Helpful PSAs…

They have like…ten innings in football…right…?


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Pissing On The Grave Of Edward R. Murrow…(continued)

In case you were wondering why the quality of journalism coming out of Washington is so Piss poor, David Broder explains here

Let me disclose my own bias in this matter. I like Karl Rove. In the days when he was operating from Austin, we had many long and rewarding conversations. I have eaten quail at his table and admired the splendid Hill Country landscape from the porch of the historic cabin Karl and his wife Darby found miles away and had carted to its present site on their land.

It isn’t simply that they’re mindlessly parroting the talking points of whoever occupies the White House, as even a faint recollection of the unmitigated hostility Bill Clinton got from them recalls.  No.  They’re see themselves as part of that republican ruling elite now.  There’s David Broder, the man they call the "dean" of Washington journalism, happily recalling his times eating quail…Quail, mind you…with Karl Rove in his historic cabin.  And no…I strongly doubt they went out hunting quail beforehand.  Not with Cheney anyway.

Sorta puts Broder’s crack about how the Clinton’s came in and "trashed the place" into perspective doesn’t it?  Read that Sally Quinn column…it’s one big long inside the beltway bellyache about Clinton and Monica…and ask yourself where the puffed up moral outrage is over…oh say, Guantanamo Bay, the shredding of the Geneva Convention, torture, the destruction of New Orleans, the use of the Department of Justice as a weapon against political opponents and against dissent, being lied into a war that’s killed thousands of young Americans who had their whole lives ahead of them, and tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of the people we allegedly went to war to liberate.  Don’t see it?  Well there’s a reason for that.  The Washington news establishment all regarded the Clinton team as nothing more then poor southern white trash in Their Town and that’s why they hated them.  That’s all that mattered to them then, and it’s all that matters to them now.


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Visual DNA…And Yet Another Social Networking Site

I found this on another gay guy’s blog I read from time to time and gave it a try. At first glance it looked like a more visually interesting then usual online quiz, but behind it is yet another new social networking site, Imagini. It’s marked “beta” on their home page logo so I assume it’s still a work in progress. Ever since MySpace became this huge cultural phenomina a gaggle of other self described “social networking sites” have popped up vying for a piece of the pie, or to be the next big thing. But this one lets you describe yourself in a very eye catching way…

Alas, I can’t figure out how to format its damn embedding code in a way that let’s me put it in the center of the page like I can a YouTube player.

You start out by answering a series of questions about yourself, Visually. This appealed instantly to the graphic art geek in me. The personality profile it generated for me seemed to have me pretty well pegged in a few ways, and not in a few others, but over all it resonated with me and most of these little quiz things don’t.

I’m on MySpace. I’ve been referred to Friendster. I’ve added profiles to blogger and Live Journal so I could leave comments on friends’ blogs there. But as I’m perfectly capable of making my own web space (this one) I’m unlikely to ever be more then a passer-by on any social networking site, no matter how many features it offers. I think that’s what most folks on those sites are. I have my own domain. It’s like my little house on the net here. I can make it whatever I want. Everyone should have their own home out here. But of course not everyone has the skill set or the time to build their own, which is where sites like blogger and Live Journal can help. What’s nice about MySpace, what made it grow as hugely as it did in my opinion, is that it was structured in a way that Does encourage you socialize with the others more then other like sites did. I need that too. The encouragement that is.

So I’m pretty much a regular on MySpace too. I don’t have enough time in a day to be a regular in too many social sites. But Imagini Looks interesting. Alas, it rates me a zero percent match for the gay guy whose blog I found this on (shy little dickens wouldn’t even put a name to his Imagini profile…he’s signed in as “Anonymous”). Ah well. I actually kinda figured after reading his blogger blog for a couple years now that we aren’t exactly compatible types. I just read him ‘cuz he’s so damn cute.


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April 25th, 2007

Goddamn Californians And Their Goddamn Blue Sky

Brad DeLong reminds me about that certain smugness of the western half of my family tree…

Plunge in Existing-Home Sales

The Associated Press reports:

Plunge in Existing-Home Sales Is Steepest Since ’89 – New York Times: Sales of existing homes plunged in March by the largest amount in nearly two decades, reflecting bad weather and increasing problems in the subprime mortgage market, a real estate trade group reported today…

…Ummm… if sales are down by 9.1% in the West–which means California, Arizona, Nevada, Oregon, Washington–how can that have been due to bad weather in February? We don’t have "weather." Couldn’t the AP have asked that of Mr. Lereah? 

You have no idea how much this sort of thing irritates us Californians In Exile…


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An Important Announcement

Spring finally arrived today. Every morning for the past week days now I’ve been expecting it, checking the sky for the sign.  But it wasn’t spring yet.  Not yet.  The trees bloomed and then the blooms fell off and now they’re getting their summer leaves.  I have shade now in my front lawn again.  But it wasn’t spring yet.  The male goldfinches who come to my thistle feeders all have their bright yellow feathers now.  Every morning I wake up to the singing of robins.  But it wasn’t spring yet.  The grass is growing…already I’ve had to mow once.  Most days I can sit out on my front porch in shirt sleeves.  But it wasn’t spring yet.  Not until I saw the sign.  I saw it today.  The swallows are back. 

When I came in to work this morning I heard their busy raspy chatter as soon as I rounded the corner by the office and looked up, saw the first wave of returnees, darting here and there, shooting in and out of our triple deck concrete garage like little arrows.  Busily sprucing up their summer quarters now I suppose, after their being closed for the winter.  Every fall, in a final act of defiance, the sparrows try to pick apart the swallow’s nests once they’ve gone for the winter, and every spring the swallows just repair the damage and chase the sparrows back out again.

So spring has arrived finally.  I know, I know…officially spring arrived here in the northern hemisphere a few weeks ago.  But Officially it arrived here in Baltimore today.


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April 24th, 2007

1.7 Billion…Did You Say…?

Fred Clark over at Slacktivist, celebrates Andrew Natsios Day

With Congress and the White House in tense negotiations over the next $100 billion for the next six months in Iraq, we take time out today to celebrate the fourth anniversary of Andrew Natsios’ appearance on ABC’s Nightline.

On April 23, 2003, host Ted Koppel invited Natsios, then the director of the U.S. Agency for International Development, on the program to talk about the Bush administration’s estimate of the cost of rebuilding Iraq.

Younger readers may not remember Koppel, who’s retired now. They may also be somewhat confused by the assumption, universally reported back in April of 2003, that the U.S.-led coalition had "taken control of Baghdad." After all, just yesterday Gen. David Petraeus said that three months of a security "surge" had produced only modest progress in its effort to, well, take control of Baghdad.

Uh…Nice Job Brownie..?

Anyway, back to Andrew Natsios. Here is the transcript of his conversation with Koppel:

TED KOPPEL (Off Camera): Well, it’s a, I think you’ll agree, this is a much bigger project than any that’s been talked about. Indeed, I understand that more money is expected to be spent on this than was spent on the entire Marshall Plan for the rebuilding of Europe after World War II.

ANDREW NATSIOS: No, no. This doesn’t even compare remotely with the size of the Marshall Plan.

TED KOPPEL (Off Camera): The Marshall Plan was $97 billion.

ANDREW NATSIOS: This is $1.7 billion.

TED KOPPEL (Off Camera): All right, this is the first. I mean, when you talk about 1.7, you’re not suggesting that the rebuilding of Iraq is gonna be done for $1.7 billion?

ANDREW NATSIOS: Well, in terms of the American taxpayers contribution, I do, this is it for the US. The rest of the rebuilding of Iraq will be done by other countries who have already made pledges, Britain, Germany, Norway, Japan, Canada, and Iraqi oil revenues, eventually in several years, when it’s up and running and there’s a new government that’s been democratically elected, will finish the job with their own revenues. They’re going to get in $20 billion a year in oil revenues. But the American part of this will be 1.7 billion. We have no plans for any further-on funding for this.

Since then, "the American taxpayers" have spent at least half a trillion dollars — at least five times the total cost of the Marshall Plan. Chunks of money several times greater than Natsios’ figure have simply gone missing and the monthly cost to the U.S. is more than $8 billion.

In 2006, President Bush appointed Andrew Natsios as the administration’s special envoy to Darfur.

Dig it.  More money then they told us the war would cost, has simply gone missing.  The Monthly cost of the war is several times larger then what they told us the war would cost.  They’re fighting on Capital Hill right now over a Supplemental Budget that is bigger then the total cost of the Marshal Plan. 

And you thought it was about the oil.  Mission Accomplished.


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April 23rd, 2007

Enforcing Silence

How much you want to bet they’d do this to a kid who organized a "Day Of Truth"…?

OK… Thanks to a blog reader and supporter over in Tennessee, I’ve gotten copies of the articles (which were never online) concerning David Crockett High School senior Curtis Walsh, who was dismissed from school for a day after organizing the Day of Silence at his school.

The Day of Silence is a national event in which middle, high school and college-aged students take a vow to silence, symbolically representing the silence that is forced upon LGBT people every day by our society.

The articles (which can be viewed as photos: Page 1 and Page 2) state, in part:

Senior Curtis Walsh said he was dismissed for the day early Wednesday morning by David Crockett High School principal Henry Marable for his own safety.

“I showed up at school and within two minutes (Marable) called me and three others into his office. After first period I was dismissed for the day.”

Marable as well as Director of Schools Grant Rowland said they had no comment on anything pertaining to the student of the “Day of Silence,” in which several students reportedly left school early.

However, Rowland was quoted by a local television station later in the day:

“One student and one reporter caused one heck of a mess to be stirred up for no reason,” said Rowland in regard to the article on the “Day of Silence” that appeared in Wednesday’s edition of the Johnson City Press.

This principal has apparently kept Curtis out of his school ever since the Day of Silence…

Zina Owens, the mother of Tennessee high school senior Curtis Walsh, who was dismissed from school after organizing the Day of Silence, gives us an update.

As it seems, Curtis was kept out of school not only on the Day of Silence (Wednesday, April 18th) but also on Thursday, April 19th and Friday, April 20th.

Just wanted to give you an update on Curtis Walsh, the Tennessee senior who was dismissed for supporting the day of silence. I am Curtis’ mother. On Wednesday, he was sent home as the newspaper article said, but we were given NO REASON (the paper said for his own safety). On Wednesday afternoon about 4:00, I received a phone call from Marable, the principal, and he said that Curtis did not need to come to school on Thursday. I asked if he had been threatened (Curtis) or if it was a punishment. He replied, “It don’t matter, He just don’t need to be here.” On Thursday afternoon my husband, Curtis’ STEP-FATHER, NOT HIS MOTHER, received a call from Marable saying that Curtis did not need to be in school on Friday. As you may guess, this fight is NOT over.

This story hasn’t really gotten all that much attention yet… but I hope it will. What is happening to Curtis is beyond unacceptable.

Gotta love it… “It don’t matter, He just don’t need to be here.”  Right.  Anyone who agitates on behalf of the dignity of gay kids let alone their safety, doesn’t need to be in Henry Marable‘s school.  Sorta gives you a flavor for what life is like for gay kids that have to walk those halls doesn’t it?  Meanwhile Pat Robertson’s legal sharks are threatening any school that refuses to support their "Day Of Truth" with litigation.

Contact info for David Crocket High School in Jonesborough, Tennessee can be found, Here.  More info on another kid who was punished for organizing a Day Of Silence, and a school in Indiana that was put into a lockdown over threats of violence during the Day Of Silence, Here.  You can suppose that Jay Sekulow won’t be stepping up to defend the rights of those students…

…or This Teacher who allowed this student editoral calling for tolerance toward gay students to be published.  She stands to loose her job now , for allowing these highly controversial words to be published in the student newspaper, and read by impressionable young minds…

Would it be so hard to just accept them as human beings who have feelings just like everyone else? Being homosexual doesn’t make a person inhuman, it makes them just a little bit different than the rest of the world. And for living in a society that tells you to always be yourself, it’s a hard price to pay.

Well we wouldn’t want our kids taking any of that shit seriously now would we?

You’ve got to be taught
To hate and fear,
You’ve got to be taught
From year to year,
It’s got to be drummed
In your dear little ear
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

(Rodgers & Hammerstein, South Pacific)

 


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And Now, A Message From A Concerned Citizen…

Quick…Someone Get Michael Crichton On The Phone…

Daylight exacerbates warming

You may have noticed that March of this year was particularly hot. As a matter of fact, I understand that it was the hottest March since the beginning of the last century. All of the trees were fully leafed out and legions of bugs and snakes were crawling around during a time in Arkansas when, on a normal year, we might see a snowflake or two. This should come as no surprise to any reasonable person. As you know, Daylight Saving Time started almost a month early this year. You would think that members of Congress would have considered the warming effect that an extra hour of daylight would have on our climate. Or did they ? Perhaps this is another plot by a liberal Congress to make us believe that global warming is a real threat. Perhaps next time there should be serious studies performed before Congress passes laws with such far-reaching effects.
CONNIE M. MESKIMEN / Hot Springs

Damn those wicked liberals and their evil plots!


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April 21st, 2007

31!

Yay!  My 32 inch waste 501s have been feeling a tad loose this past week…so I decided to go see if I could fit into 31s today.  They fit perfectly, not even a little tight.  Yes!  So I bought 2. For some reason I usually take a one inch smaller waste in low risers (and two inches less in the inseam…go figure…).  So I tried on some 527s in a 30 inch waste.  Success again!  The 30s fit perfectly, and look much Much better on me then the 31s (you really don’t want low risers to look frumpy on you).

Swear to you…Swear…I thought I’d never get back into 31s again.  This feels so damn Good!  I can look in a mirror now and think yeah, I’d hit that…for the first time in ages, just ages.

Size small shirts fit me now like they always used to.  I don’t have to worry about them being too tight around the waste anymore.  When I was packing more weight then I should have been, finding shirts was the worst.  If they were right in the waste they were too big in the shoulders.  Right in the shoulders and they were too tight around the waste.  Now that I’m getting my hourglass back…at least slightly…it’s suddenly not hard to find shirts that work and that I actually look good in.

It’s still basically a no-junk food diet.  No sugar in my drinks.  Whole grain instead of white bread.  Lean meats, high protean.  I’ve added a basic multi-vitamin to my day.  I’m eating out more regularly with friends in D.C.  Yesterday we did a happy hour at our regular bar and then ate at a really nice Armenian place just down the block, where we started with a really nice fry bread plus this-and-that appetizer course, then I had a entree of lamb, chicken ka-bob, fried shrimp and rice.  So I’m not starving myself by any means.  Yet I am still…slowly now…very very slowly…loosing weight.  This is why I spent the money on that beam balance doctor’s office type scale when I started this…so I could monitor my progress when the weight loss curve started flattening out.  I am just amazed every day now, what simply taking the junk out of my diet did.  Or conversely…what the damn junk was doing to me all these years.

And now I’m slowly adding regular exercise into my life…and I mean slowly.  They organized a yoga/pilates class and I signed up for it.  It’s just one day a week, but I like the mix of stretch-exercise-relax-repeat in the mix of yoga and pilates, and I hope to learn from it.  My torso is starting to get a little workout now…but it surprised me how much I have to work to get flexibility back.  At my age, flexibility is something guys have to work on.  But I really want to get my stomach area a tad more defined.  It doesn’t have to be ripped…I don’t think I even Can at my age now…with so many years of not exercising at all behind me.  But if I can get some definition there I won’t be embarrassed to take my shirt off at the beach or when I’m out doing lawn work at home…

…like I need to this weekend.  I’ll try to take some more photos tomorrow.  I’m really feeling good now about how I’m looking.  But I have a load of yard work to do now that the weather is good again. 

P.S. To A Certain Someone:  I don’t know if you even bother reading my blog or not…you said that you didn’t use the computer much, that you were more into nature then technology…but if you happen to read this…thank you.  Much.  It was the thought of you laying your eyes on me again after all these years, with all that weight I’d put on since I started working as a software engineer, that motivated me to get myself looking good again.  I don’t know if we’ll ever lay eyes on each other again in this life.  But…thanks.  For waking me up.  Again.


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April 20th, 2007

Random Ten…

So I pick up my iPod, hit Shuffle Songs…and Today’s Happy Lucky Joy For You Numbers are…

  1. The Hustle – Van McCoy
  2. Molten Gold – Paul Kossoff
  3. Born To Run – Bruce Springsteen
  4. Star Collector – The Monkees
  5. Eastway – Inner & Outer
  6. Saint-Saens Symphony #3 (Organ), 2nd Movement
  7. New Beginning – Stephen Gately
  8. California Dreaming – The Mamas & the Pappas
  9. The Great Gig in the Sky – Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon
  10. Star Dust – Glenn Miller


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In Other News, Eddie Izzard Will Be Signing Autographs Today At The Oakland Mall

Owww…The Stupid…It Hurts….!

Man in wig, skirt spurs Cranbrook lockdown

Only a day after students at Virginia Tech were locked in classrooms as a gunman killed 32 of their classmates, Cranbrook Schools in Bloomfield Hills went into lockdown Monday morning after parents reported seeing a suspicious man dressed as a woman near a campus bus stop.

Police described a white male about 6 feet tall, wearing a gray or blond wig, lipstick, a flowered skirt, a dark coat and high heels.

Parents first spotted the man standing near the Kingswood School parking lot around 7:50 a.m., school officials said.

"He was walking up the lot toward Kingswood School," said Lt. Paul Myszenski with the Bloomfield Hills Department of Public Safety.

While he was not observed doing anything illegal, authorities decided to lock down schools after 8 a.m. Students were told to sit in their classrooms with lights off as police did a room-byroom search.

Pam Friedman, a parent from West Bloomfield Township, was attending a mothers’ council meeting with Robin Rosenbaum and Elaine Robins, also of West Bloomfield, when the building they were in – the Institute of Science – was also locked down.

Friedman was able to speak with her son, Jake, a 17-year-old junior, by cellphone, who informed his mother he was OK.

"I wasn’t nervous at all after I talked with him," Friedman said.

DeAnn Ervin of Birmingham – whose 12-year-old daughter, Noa, attends Kingswood School – learned of the lockdown when other mothers began calling her.

Lockdowns aren’t that unusual, she said. The school practices at least twice a year.

Ervin was confident the school would protect her daughter. "They communicate a lot with us," she said. "I was more worried about her emotional health than physical."

Cranbrook’s department of public safety took part in the room-by-room search at Kingswood. No one was arrested.

Officials also checked the grounds "where people can hide," said Thomas Sias, the school’s director of public safety, but were unable to find the man.

"The problem is you have seconds to react," Sias said. "It’s a rather daunting task to check it all."

Sias praised the students who were locked in classrooms for about 30 minutes. "When we were walking the halls, you could hear a pin drop," he said.

At 9:20 a.m., the lockdown was lifted, and by 9:30 a.m., buses packed with students were rolling through the campus.

In other news, schools all across Lower Fuckingnuts County were in a state of lockdown after a woman with a crew cut was seen wearing a leather jacket and driving a Harley-Davidson low rider down Main Street…


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April 18th, 2007

Staring Into The Abyss

It’s like fussing with a wound that hasn’t even begun to heal, but humans are like that.  One of the hardest things to teach a kid is to leave it alone when it starts hurting again…

So the killer sent a package to at least one of the big TV networks.  I’m actually surprised he didn’t post it all on YouTube or MySpace, but he may have thought that would have given him up too soon.  I’ve only seen a few very brief clips so far, but one thing that that leapt out at me was how completely deranged he seemed.  I’ve seen anger, I’ve seen fanatical hate, I’ve seen bitterness.  I’ve had a gun pointed right at my head, saw killing rage in the face behind the iron sights, heard it in his voice (it was a road rage incident…obviously he didn’t actually shoot me…).  I can half close my eyes and still see and hear it.  It seems bizarre to think of it as sane, and yet I realize now it was sane, completely sane, compared to what I saw as Cho Seung-Hui vented for a few minutes about rich people and trust funds and debauchery. 

I keep hearing the word "disturbed" here.  Let me say it: he was crazy.  It’s not just our rational mind, but all the evolutionary baggage our brains have accumulated over the eons that make us human.  I’ve seen human rage.  I’ve seen human hate.  What I saw in that brief excerpt NBC showed us was chillingly grotesque…like a face blasted apart and sewn back together by something that had never seen a human face before and didn’t know quite where to put things.  There were pieces missing from him inside…deeper more ancient things then those higher emotions of compassion and empathy.  Things from the bedrock of our mammal souls.  Maybe older still.  And what was there wasn’t enough to make any sense when it came to making a person out of it.  I’ve no idea if his personality had decayed that much before he sat down to make that video.  But if it was anything near I can see why he was scaring the hell out of people long before he did what he did.  The face chills you, not because of it’s anger and rage, but because it is missing something, some subtle thing you can’t quite put your finger on, but which leaps out at you for its not being there.

I don’t think they’re going to find the why of this in anything in his history or his environment.  A trigger, perhaps.  Perhaps not.  This is a clinical case.  He was crazy.  I strongly doubt now that it has anything to do with anything that might have been said or done to him.  In addition to the video he left a paper manifesto, with photos and writing.  One glimpse of a page of densely packed text, no paragraph breaks, just one long string of words for line after line filling the entire page, was enough.  I’m no professional but I’ve seen that before in case study after case study, and in the graphic art of the mad, which I have studied with interest.  And…something I saw first hand…

I once worked for a private psychiatric hospital.  I was a stock clerk.  My job was to keep the office supplies and custom printed forms flowing to the various units, most of which only dealt with mildly disturbed folks.  But one, the Intensive Care Unit, had double doors you had to be buzzed through.  I made my deliveries there only just to the inside door, where one of the staff would take my things and hand me a list for the following week.  One day while I was doing that, I saw a young girl who had just been brought to them.  She was laying on her back on a sofa in a room just next to the door and I could see her clearly.  She couldn’t have been more then 20.  Young, strikingly beautiful.  Her face was set in a serene, peaceful, fixed stare at the ceiling.  Her elbows were at her sides, forearms up, her hands and fingers extended, the palms facing the ceiling almost as if she was pushing it away.  She was talking in a low, utterly calm monotonal drone.  Something like this…

remembering sank shadows echoed in water reflected gained in light realized remembered effort grounded in reputation in secure secure remember programmed joy of momentum needs energy remember the well placed expansive classrooms bringing forth eyes to ponder glass light thrown up into sky remember remember remember reframe embrace renew fever strives to purge soul light and sky remember imbalance pursuing sickness and wonder together in wonder wonder wonder wonder aware awareness gave transcendent sight casts forth water fire cast cast cast cast cast

Like that.  I’ll never forget it.  I wanted to quit my job then and there because I wasn’t sure I could deal with seeing and having to know because I was seeing it, how tenuous the grip the human identity really has inside of us.  What is a soul?

You hear it called the ravings of lunatics, but until you’ve actually witnessed it you might assume that’s something like a politican or a fundamentalist preacher babbling on and on about something that nobody but them actually cares about.  But no…it’s more like a brain just dumping its contents onto the table like it’s barfing.  That’s what I saw in that video, and even more, in the page of his manafesto.  It was a brain dump.

Cho Seung-Hui, I believe now, was crazy.  Not crazy angry.  Not crazy with hate or crazy with rage against…whoever.  Just crazy.  In the literal sense.  We throw that word around so much that it’s practically become meaningless I suppose.  But there it is.  The Abyss.  The unraveling of the human identity inside of a person.  That’s not excusing or trivializing what he did to 32 school kids who still had their lives ahead of them, and I’m not trying to dehumanize him.  Cho was certainly human.  He had that rational mind, was able to think and plan, was able to consider death and what would happen after he was dead.  He was calculating and methodical as only a human being can be.  But a very sick one.  He was mad. 


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