From The Comments Bag…
The parents of Russell Groff speak their minds about a post I made a couple days ago…
The court battle is not over, our son was buried like a piece of garbage, in a pine box, in a woods, where his grave will grow up with weeds. There is no perputal care. We will not stop till we get his remains buried properly, in a vault, in his family cemetery. You don’t bury someone you love like this. This has been very painful to go through all of this, losing our son, who was our live. Dealing with all of the evil that has been done. We have not been able to mourn our son, who was involved in a life style that destroyed his beautiful life, wasted, just never having a change to be somebody. He should not be dead!!! He was in essence brainwashed and endoctrinated into this lifestyle. He was controlled, manipulated, and alienated from the parents who loved him so much. This is the norm, though in a homosexual relationship. If this was such a loving relationship, why did he die of AIDS!!!!
…and so on. You can read both their comments (yes…they followed up on themselves) and my brief response back at the original post, Here.
November 14th, 2006 at 7:46 pm
Gosh, I can’t imagine why Russell was estranged from parents who thought that their son’s love was due to being brainwashed. I also can’t imagine why Russell’s partner wasn’t more concerned about the feelings of such nice folks.
Yeesh.
You don’t bury someone you love like this.
Says who? My father-in-law had his ashes scattered along a riverbank. There is a monument for him in a cemetery, but his remains aren’t their. My wife and son also have a monument there, but I keep their ashes with me because I don’t live in that town and have no reason to visit it. They’ll finally be buried with me when I die.
It’s so sad — and more than a little frustrating — that the Groffs can’t see how so much of their grief is their own fault.
November 15th, 2006 at 11:31 am
That Russell was buried in that manner is their claim. Take it for what it’s worth.
Yeah…it’s in my will that I want my ashes scattered somewhere in California, near Oceano, on a hillside somewhere with a nice view. Mom would be horrified if she was alive today. She didn’t like the idea of cremation. I on the other hand, think burial is kind of an odd concept.
Mom is buried with some family and friends down in Hillsville, Virginia. Dad’s ashes are in a cemetery with other Garretts in Oceano. If the Groffs are pissed off about the state of Russell’s final resting place I have a story of my own about Dad’s, Here. In point of fact, parents don’t always give a good goddamn about their children’s remains, and sometimes the worst people when it comes to a person’s final wishes are their own blood relatives. I know this from personal experience.
November 15th, 2006 at 3:22 pm
Bruce, I know Russell and his partner and was in their home a few weeks before he passed. They loved each other deeply and in fact, worked out a way to have Russell buried close to his parents in Tennessee instead of in Maryland where they lived and owned a house together.
As far as I know Russell is buried in a simple Quaker burial ground. His life was celebrated and his death mourned at at least two different Quaker memorials, one I attended in Blackburg, VA in July 2005.
The lost is tragic for all. I imagine Russell’s parents feel they may have lost their son to homosexuality years before he died. He was a dear, intelligent, witty, artistic and loving man. And he was gay.
I wrote about Russell here
November 15th, 2006 at 4:25 pm
Okay…I was wondering about the location in Tennessee. So there was some attempt to find some accommodation with the parents. And they went to court anyway. And two Quaker memorial services and a Quaker funeral becomes “our son was buried like a piece of garbage, in a pine box, in a woods, where his grave will grow up with weeds”.
I figured it was something like that. I try not to let cynicism get the better of me and it’s things like this that make that so hard. And some of my straight friends wonder why I get so angry. I’m sure glad there are peacemakers in this world like you Peterson…
November 15th, 2006 at 4:46 pm
Did it strike them at all that, in saying Russell was brainwashed and “endoctrinated” into being gay, they’re actually implying that this son they loved so much was a weak-willed, easily manipulated dolt?
November 15th, 2006 at 8:27 pm
Bill S, they lost a son, a precious young brillant man. I cannot imagine the depth of their sorrow. My mother who just died two months ago often said that the loss of a child is something that no parent should have to endure.
Perhaps they feel that they lost their son to an ungodly world which destroyed them and then perhaps they may believe this son died while being in rebellion towards God and outside of the promise of eternal peace with the savior.
I know a missionary family who lost a gay son to AIDS. They have not been able to find any peace since they believe their precious child is in hell.
My mom wrote me a letter before she died that she made sure I received after she passed away. She told me how much she loved me and that she did her very best as a parent. And she did, but I know she worried that she may have failed me somewhere along the way. Most parents do feel insecure in their skills.
Russell lived his life the way he chose and that was a way that his parents might have dreaded and fretted over. Now their worse fears happen. They lose their precious son to AIDS. That must hurt so deeply. No wonder they struggle with even how their son was buried and fight back. But they are fighting shadows. I hope they can instead look within and find the turmoil that saps the life from them and may even drive them away from God as they lash out in their hurt and fury. God bless them.