Nobody is more self aware than the overthinker. I’m getting used to taking the measure of things as I’m getting ready for my day in the morning. How is the balance? The finger tremors? I do some practice quick turns to see how bad the unbalance is this morning. As I make my morning coffee I pay attention to how well my fingers are doing my bidding. Where once was a really irritating loss of focus and precision I had no explanation for, other than every doctor I talked to about it saying oh its just you’re getting old, now I have a reason for what’s happening. I have something to take a measure of. So how’s the Parkinson’s today?

I feel like I should be more angsty about it, but it’s not even close to debilitating just yet. It’s not great, but I can handle it at this stage. See my previous post about altered states of consciousness. I really want to be able to focus on some of the art projects I have in mind before it gets too much worse and the focus isn’t there. I’m really hoping the new meds give it at least some of that back for a while longer. I want to take more road trips while I’m still good to drive, but thank you all the idiots who voted for Trump, fuel prices are making that impossible, especially on a retirement income.

But the big factor as to why I’m not more upset about it is I’m in my 70s now and it’s not like I got this diagnosis in my twenties or thirties (that does happen), and the life I thought I had in front of me suddenly isn’t there anymore. I can look back on a lot of…interesting times…my only regret, and it’s a big one, is I had nobody to share it with heart and soul. But at least most of that is behind me now, not a lost life I could have had in front of me.

At this age your sort of expect it’s going to be Something. I just thought it would be the heart.