From Good As You, some thoughts about marriage verses civil unions…

The "Whites Only" fountain once dispensed the same water as the "Coloreds" one did; but the implications of having to walk the alternate line to obtain the H20 spoke volumes.

Via Blue Jersey, here’s an example of how the consequences of separate but equal play out in the lives of gay people…

Consider Paula Long and Rosalind Heggs of Camden who have been together over 15 years. They were registered as domestic partners and also had a civil union from Vermont. Under New Jersey law, they have hospital visitation rights and the right to make decisions on behalf of each other when the other is sick. That’s what’s on paper, but when Rosalind had a heart attack and needed a blood transfusion, the hospital refused to allow Paula to give consent. Paula even had a highlighted copy of the relevant law with her, but that didn’t matter to the hospital. They demanded to see their marriage certificate. (see video of their story)

This story happens over and over again from one end of this country to the other, in red states and blue alike, and it’s indicative of a mindset.  Here’s that mindset in a nutshell:

However emotionally bonded a pair of homosexual lovers may feel themselves to be, what they are doing is not marriage. Nor does society benefit in any way from treating it as if it were.

However emotionally bonded a pair of homosexual lovers may feel themselves to be…  Bigots such as Orson Scott Card cannot, will never, acknowledge there is a bond between same sex couples, but only, and grudgingly, that they may feel themselves to have one.  Card later wrote another column, in which he reduced the struggle of gay and lesbian Americans for simple justice, to a childish demand for "fairness"…

The single most effective argument being used to gain support for the redefinition of marriage to mean anything, therefore nothing, is this:

"It’s not fair that homosexuals can’t get married just like heterosexuals."

This argument is only effective because nobody is bothering to define "fairness" or to figure out whether the result will be in any way more fair than the hitherto universal definition of marriage.

When our kids were little, we made it a very clear rule in our family that fairness didn’t mean that everybody got exactly what anybody else got.

"Suppose we buy a dress for your sister," I said to my son. "Would you want us to get a dress for you too?"

Never mind for a moment, the brain dead sexism in that example (picture Card telling his daughter, "suppose we buy blue jeans for your brother.  Would you want us to get blue jeans for you too?"  "Well…yeah dad…why not?"  But maybe females aren’t allowed to wear pants in Card’s family…)  Just look at it for a moment.  Card is saying there, that to ask hospital staff to let you be with your other half as they lay sick, and maybe even dying, is like a child throwing a tantrum because daddy didn’t bring him a present too.  Read that entire column, and if you aren’t a bigot like he is, one sickening thing just leaps out at you like a ghoul at a fun house, and laughs in your face: nowhere in that column is there even the slightest hint that Card can see there may be a deep and profound bond of love between a same sex couple.  It just doesn’t even cross his mind.

Homosexuals don’t love, they just have sex.  Homosexual sex.  Because they’re disfunctional…. 

But it is grossly unfair to demand, in the name of "fairness," that the normal pattern of marriage and family be deprived of its privileged position in our society, just so a few people can feel better about dysfunctions that even they insist are nobody’s fault.

This is the mindset that same sex couples have to face every time they try to assert their rights as a couple.  The hospital staff that kept Paula Long out of the room where her other half was suffering from a heart attack, treated their union like it was some kind of pathetic imitation of their own, because that’s exactly what they thought of it.  Equal marriage rights won’t change their minds about that.  But what it can do is warn them upfront, that if they let their cheap conceits and bar stool prejudices devastate the lives of innocent people, there will be consequences.   Separate but equal on the other hand, merely validates their prejudices and conceits.  As long as they believe they can put the knife in our hearts and get away with it, they’ll keep doing it.  Because it is unfair to demand that normal families loose their privileged position in our society, just so a few people can feel better about their dysfunctions .

When Bill Flanigan admitted his partner Robert Daniel to the hospital because of AIDS-related complications his loss was tremendous.

Kept from Daniel during his last hours alive, Flanigan was denied the chance to say goodbye to his partner of more than five years. He filed a lawsuit against the University of Maryland Medical System in Baltimore City Circuit Court on February 27.

Not only was Flanigan refused the right to be with Daniel, he was also not permitted to share Daniel’s treatment wishes with his physicians, according to a statement issued by Lambda Legal. All because the staff from the Maryland Medical System Shock Trauma Center in Baltimore said Flanigan was not family.

…

It was only after Daniel’s sister and mother arrived from out of town that the Shock Trauma Center released information on Daniel’s status that had been repeatedly denied to Flanigan, and allowed the entire family — including Flanigan — to see Daniel. But it was too late — Daniel was no longer conscious and his eyes were taped shut, and his wishes not to have life prolonging measures performed had been denied. There were tubes in his throat.

That was particularly hard for Flanigan to take.

At one point Daniel briefly regained consciousness, according to a nurse, and he tried to pull out the breathing tube. In response hospital staff tied down Daniel’s arms.

You want us to get a dress for you too?