The Reason Why The Eight Stars Are No More Than Eight Is A Pretty Reason
Pluto gets demoted as astronomers approve new definition for planets
After a tumultuous week of clashing over the essence of the cosmos, the International Astronomical Union stripped Pluto of the planetary status it has held since its discovery in 1930. The new definition of what is – and isn’t – a planet fills a centuries-old black hole for scientists who have laboured since Copernicus without one.
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The decision by the international group spells out the basic tests that celestial objects will have to meet before they can be considered for admission to the elite cosmic club.
For now, membership will be restricted to the eight "classical" planets in the solar system: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune.
Much-maligned Pluto doesn’t make the grade under the new rules for a planet: "a celestial body that is in orbit around the sun, has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a . . . nearly round shape, and has cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit."
Pluto is automatically disqualified because its oblong orbit overlaps with Neptune’s.
Instead, it will be reclassified in a new category of "dwarf planets," similar to what long have been termed "minor planets."
Can’t have those oddly orbiting sons of bitches prancing around in our gentlemen’s club. By this definition there are no planets in any solar system until…what…billions and billions of years after all those frickin’ big ball shaped things we all used to think were planets formed? Seems that way. Earth, by this definition, was not a planet until sometime after, maybe sometime well after, the collision that many now think gave it its moon. Jupiter was not a planet until after it had "cleared out" its orbit. So what was it then? A dwarf planet? A Maybe It’ll Be A Planet Someday If Something Bigger Then Jupiter Doesn’t Come Along And Pulverize It Planet? What the hell?
I’m sorry…this is a definition of planet written by people who seem to think every other solar system in the universe probably looks pretty much like this one. And never mind all those weirdly orbiting big honking planets we think we’ve detected around other stars out there. Hey…maybe they’re fucking dwarf planets now too. By this new definition we cannot call any object we detect in orbit around any star besides our own a planet, since we don’t have the ability yet to see if they’ve "cleared out" their orbits or not. And…when, exactly is an orbital neighborhood cleared out? We would need to pin down the definition of that wouldn’t we, because that’s the precise moment when Dwarf Planet Jupiter, or Extra-Extra-Large Dwarf Planet Jupiter, or Soon To Become But Not Quite Yet Even Though It’s Probably Already Bigger Then Every Other Goddamn Not Exactly A Planet Yet Planet Jupiter became Real Planet Jupiter.
No. No. They just didn’t like the idea of that goddamn oddball Pluto being a planet. It was too small, too odd, wandering too near the edge of that dark and eternal void we really don’t know crap about and nobody likes being discomforted by the strange and the unknown, especially astronomers. So they wrote a new definition of ‘planet’ and now they don’t have to wonder what a planet is anymore, no matter how many oddballs the cosmos laughs at them with because they’ve settled all that. "The reason why the seven stars are no more then seven is a pretty reason…" Everything we discover as we explore other solar systems will fit neatly into our present model, which is not that much different from the one we had before Pluto was discovered in 1930, except that nobody is printing maps of the canals of Mars anymore. How can so many people who look so deep into the universe so long be so goddamn provincial? Maybe they’re not so backward in Kansas after all.
"It’s not safe out here. It’s wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross. But it’s not for the timid." –Q
A planet is a celestial body that (a) is in orbit around the Sun, (b) has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape, and (c) has cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit.A dwarf planet is a celestial body that (a) is in orbit around the Sun, (b) has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape, (c) has not cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit, and (d) is not a satellite.Pluto is a dwarf planet by the above definition and is recognized as the prototype of a new category of trans-Neptunian objects.
All other objects orbiting the Sun shall be referred to collectively as "Small Solar System Bodies".
February 13th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
I don’t see why they had to get all scientifical and say that Pluto isn’t a planet. Our lives were perfectly normal and less complicated before they made this announcement.