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October 15th, 2008

Abolishing Marriage

Rod Dreher, who thinks that same-sex marriage will destroy not only marriage itself, but civilization, posts today in an article titled, Newsom & Truth About Gay Marriage that…

Chai Feldblum, a Georgetown law professor, lesbian and pro-gay marriage activist, writes in the new book "Same Sex Marriage and Religious Liberty: Emerging Conflicts", that there is an irreconcilable conflict between civil marriage rights for gays and religious liberty for traditionalists. "[G]ay rights leaders are trying to deal with the conflict by simply wishing it away. That is neither possible nor intellectually honest."

And what is the nature of this conflict?  Well…one commenter on Dreher’s blog sums it up thusly…

We have been over this ground hundreds of times, as Rod has pointed out. Why should the government care if Kate and Angela want to throw a party to celebrate their alternative lifestyle, which has nothing whatsoever to do with marriage?

But forcing my children to witness the lie that the relationship of two lesbians or two gay men (or three or four or twelve people of assorted genders) is *exactly the same* as the relationship of two people of opposite genders who not only can produce their own biological children but are expected to be completely responsible for them for eighteen years or so is an affront to my civil liberties, not just my religious ones.

Heaven forfend that he should be Forced to witness anything that contradicts his religion.  I suppose he’s all for outlawing Jewish holidays too.  But let it be said…he has given it a lot of thought…

The only way gay marriage and heterosexual marriage can be truly equal is if we require the sterilization of all heterosexual couples before they can marry. Otherwise, we’re creating a fiction that these two totally and radically different types of relationships, one of which has an overwhelming tendency to produce new citizens and the other of which has an overwhelming tendency not to–and *can never* do so in the same way, e.g., where each partner is equally the biological parent of each child–are exactly the same.

And if that’s not enough…

Since "marriage" as a civic concept has already been made completely meaningless by the advent of gay "marriage," and will only become more so as time goes on, I have a modest proposal: abolish it. End it altogether. Make "marriage" as important a secular concept as baptism and confirmation are–that is, not at all.

So, legally speaking, we’ll all be glorified cohabitators

Which is where I foolishly decide to jump into the discussion.  Here’s my comment, being held for moderation last I looked…

Since "marriage" as a civic concept has already been made completely meaningless by the advent of gay "marriage," and will only become more so as time goes on, I have a modest proposal: abolish it. End it altogether.

That’s probably coming, but it won’t be same-sex marriage that makes it happen.  When marriage in the United States becomes the moral equivalent of a whites only or gentiles only country club, heterosexual couples, good decent heterosexual couples, the very sort you really want to keep bought into it, are going to start abandoning it.

Not many certainly…not at first.  But it’s already starting to happen.  Opposite-sex couples are resorting to other forms of "civil union" or contracts or what-have-you more and more these days.  Some think marriage is "old fashioned."  Some dispute its relevance to couples in this day and age.  Do you really think putting that Heterosexuals Only notice on the marriage license is going to change people’s minds about that?  No…I don’t think you do.

How many couples with gay family and neighbors and friends are going to sign that document?  Probably many, even so.  But fewer and fewer, as people, good people, decent people, at long last get sick to death of watching loving, devoted same sex couples fighting constantly for rights they themselves can take for granted.  You may not appreciate how the feeling of being privileged can make some people feel ashamed.  Try.

So in addition to heterosexuals getting drive-in married and drive-in divorced, Plus all the heterosexual couples who just live together because they couldn’t care less about marriage to begin with, now you’ve got committed couples opting out of marriage because they don’t want their union, their mutual love, their devotion to each other and their kids, tainted by prejudice.  And so that special place of honor marriage has in society, that I keep hearing folks babbling about in the same breath as "love the sinner…" just sails off, off into the sunset along with things like antisemitic homeowner covenants.  Good job folks.  Mission Accomplished.

It’s been well said that homosexuals can’t possibly do nearly the damage to the institution of marriage that heterosexuals already have.  Orson Scott Card, who thinks homosexuality is a threat to the survival of the human race, said so in a recent column of his.  Call it a testament to its power, and its essential truth, that marriage in the U.S. hasn’t been utterly finished off by now.  A lot of big guns have been aimed at it over the course of my lifetime alone, and yet it still stands.  But the righteous aren’t through with it either.

If the religious right finally convinces the rest of America that they can and will block same-sex couples from achieving marriage equality for generations, if ever, what will almost certainly happen is a faster movement away from marriage and toward other forms of coupling.  Co-habitation is already a fact of life for a lot of young opposite-sex couples.  Turning marriage into an instrument of discrimination is hardly going to change that.  It’s just going to make decent people feel uncomfortable with the whole thing.  Call it a win for the sexual radicals, with an assist by the sexual theocrats. 

3 Responses to “Abolishing Marriage”

  1. Valorie Zimmerman Says:

    Yay Bruce! I love how hopeful and patient you are, continuing to speak to those who have their fingers in their ears, and sing la la la! Eventually they WILL see that you are right.
     Marriage means a lot of things, in both the spiritual and legal sense. Some of those meanings, like committment, are not caused by marriage, but can be supported by it. If us heteros can’t get it right, and maintain marriage as a support to the people participating, then hell, who needs it?
     People have gotten along without marriage in the present form for eons. It is only the ignorant who think it is an unchanging institution.
     <3

  2. Bill S Says:

    So their argument boils down to, "You can’t make a baby, therefore your union is worthless."
    How do they say shit  that and not understand what assholes that makes them sound like?

  3. Bruce Says:

    So their argument boils down to, "You can’t make a baby, therefore your union is worthless."

    It’s even worse.  Its: "You can’t make a baby, therefore your union is a threat to the survival of the human race.  However our unions that cannot make babies either are not."  

    You know how it is you reduce two formulas in algebra?  You have some hideous complex set of equations and you set about subtracting the things that are similar in both until you have them distilled down to their essence.  So here we have:

    Homosexuals + Marriage + No Children = Threat To Human Survival

    Heterosexuals + Marriage + (Children OR No Children) =  Essential To Human Survival

    But this isn’t right because they conceed that adopted children are fine for opposite sex couples, but not same sex couples.  So it’s really this:

    Homosexuals + Marriage + (Children OR No Children) = Threat To Human Survival

    Heterosexuals + Marriage + (Children OR No Children) =  Essential To Human Survival

    Having your own children doesn’t matter.  Having your own bioligical children doesn’t matter.  Now we can remove the children part, since it’s the same in both equations…

    Homosexuals + Marriage = Threat To Human Survival

    Heterosexuals + Marriage =  Essential To Human Survival

    But this isn’t really the essence of it.  It isn’t same-sex marriage that they are opposed to.  It isn’t same-sex marriage that they see as a threat to the survival of the human race.  That’s the argument they want you to see…but it’s not the argument they are making.  There’s one more step we can take here to get to the essence of their argument…

    Homosexuals = Threat To Human Survival

    Heterosexuals =  Essential To Human Survival

    This is their argument.   Boil away the apologetics…boil away the transparently bogus Love The Sinner Hate The Sin rhetoric…boil away all the protestations that the have nothing personal against homosexual people, that they are just defending their religious values, that they are just protecting the sacredness of marriage, get down to the basics of what they are clearly and ambiguously arguing and reduce it to its essentials…and there it is. 

    This is hate…pure and simple.  Once upon a time people like Dreher and his commenters could be forthright about it, because we we almost universally dispised back then.  But something happened.  We began to fight and struggle our way out of the shadows, and into the open, and people began to see that we are not sick, twisted, deviant monsters at all, but fellow human beings.  Many of them may still feel uncomfortable with the topic, but they are even more uncomfortable seeing us persecuted simply for being what we are.  More so, when they see us struggling to live lives little different from their own.  Now, ironically, it’s the likes of Dreher that have to soft peddle their true feelings.  But all you need is to look at what they’re saying…really look at it…and there it is. 

    They look at us, and they see monsters.  They will always see monsters.  Twisted, deviant, predatory threats to the survival of the human race. 

    This isn’t only why the fight to secure our households has been so bitter.  This is why we keep getting killed.

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