Via Good As You…  It’s not that Hollywood can’t come up with any new ideas, it’s that it would rather not pay for the creative talent to come up with them.  Thus, the "reality" shows.  But on MTV’s pioneering Real World the point really was to have a dispassionate camera eye view on how people interact with each other.  Most "reality" made since Real World are really just another kind of game show.  And in fact, Real World has itself added some game show elements in recent years. 

But with TV audiences getting bored with all the "reality" out there, the Networks are trying to revive some actual game shows.  From Good As You I read that they’re now making The Newlywed Game once more.  Can you spot the "Heterosexuals Only" sign buried in the game show eligibility rules…?
 

Eligibility Requirements

The following are the eligibility requirements for contestants ("Contestants") on the television show currently entitled "The Newlywed Game" (the "Program"), which is being produced by Manhouse Productions, Inc. (“Producer”). In order to be selected as a Contestant on the Program, and to be eligible for any prize ("Prize"), you must meet the following eligibility requirements:

A. Employees, officers, directors and agents of Manhouse Productions, Inc., Diplomatic, Embassy Row LLC, Sony Pictures Television Inc., Game Show Network, LLC (“GSN”), Liberty Media Corp. and/or of any of their respective licensees, assigns, parents, affiliated and subsidiary companies and the immediate family (spouse, mother, father, sister, brother, daughter or son, regardless of where they live) or members of the same households (whether related or not) of such employees, officers, directors and agents are not eligible to be Contestants on the Program. In addition, any person closely acquainted with any person connected with the production or administration of the Program is not eligible, if in the Producer’s sole discretion, the person’s participation could create the appearance of impropriety.

B. Contestants must be at least 18 years of age at the time of application.

C. Contestants must be legal residents of the fifty (50) United States or the District of Columbia.

D. Each newlywed team of Contestants must be legally married to each other (legal marriage defined as one that is legally valid in all 50 states of the United States) and, upon Producer’s request, must be able to provide proof of marriage (i.e. a marriage certificate) that shows that Contestants are legally married to each other. As of the tape date of the Program, Contestants must still be newlyweds (which is defined as the period of two (2) years after the date of Contestants’ original marriage to each other).

E. Contestants may not be candidates for public office and may not become candidates before the broadcast of their appearance on the Program, or until one year from the date of their taping of the Program.

F. Producer reserves the right to change any of the eligibility requirements at any time and is the sole judge of the eligibility criteria.

Here…let me help you with it:  "…legal marriage defined as one that is legally valid in all 50 states of the United States…"

It’s a safe bet that clause wasn’t in the old rules.  You see…same sex couples can legally marry in Massachusetts and California, and even if California’s same sex couples are divorced-by-referendum come November, there will still be at least one state in the Union where same sex couples can legally marry.  So in order to keep the homos off the set you can’t just say the contestants have to be legally married anymore. 

The last game show I ever really enjoyed was the old Concentration.  Way back when I was a kid I’d watch that thing raptly whenever I was home that it was on (it was a daytime show).  It was a memory game…you had to build a mental image of where all the little prize pairs were inside a grid and at the same time figure out a rebus as it was slowly being revealed.  I think part of the appeal to my budding young geek self was also trying to figure out how the mechanical game board worked.  That thing just fascinated me.  It was the only game show I ever really paid attention to…although these days I’ll watch Jeopardy whenever I happen across it.  I glanced at a few episodes of The Newlywed Game in the 1970s and every time I did I quickly became uncomfortable with it. 

Something about the idea of watching young couples in love being made to embarrass each other on TV where the entire nation could watch just didn’t appeal to me.  And for each couple that won, three others lost.  Part of the intended fun for the audience was to watch the loosing couples have fights during the show.  It was horrible.  Even the Roman Circuses weren’t that gratuitously cruel.  I’ve often wondered how many divorces resulted from that show. 

So, in a sense, I’m not altogether unhappy that same sex couples are banned from this atrocity.  A couple’s love should be nurtured, not humiliated for laughs and ratings.  And same sex couples have it hard enough in this country.  But on the other hand, here’s how prejudice will keep its claws in our lives to the absolute very end.  Year upon year, decade upon decade, inch by inch by painful bitter inch, we have worked to get it’s taint out of our lives.  And for every inch it looses, hate adopts, adapts and improves, and keeps working with what it has to work with.  Okay…so now you can be legally married….Ha!…but Not In All Fifty States…!  Got you There didn’t we!

If same sex marriage was legal all across the Union they’d find some other way to cull out the homos.  Perhaps recasting the show as a contest between genders…er…Birth Genders…who incidentally and merely to heighten the excitement of the game play, have to be newly married also.  As I said, I’m not all that unhappy that same sex couples are being kept off this atrocity of a game show.  But I emphatically object to the name.  It is not The Newlywed Game.  There are gay newlyweds, and have been even before same sex marriage was legal.  Same sex couples have been getting married for ages, whether or not their government or their communities recognized them.  Our relationships exist.  Our households exist.  Our unions exist.  We exist.  It is not The Newlywed Game if only heterosexual couples are allowed to be contestants.  It is The Heterosexual Newlywed Game.

At the same time I’m reading this…I also came across this little news item from The Netherlands, which has had same sex marriage now for years…

Dutch replace ‘maiden name’ with ‘birth name’ to spare gay blushes

The Dutch civil service has developed a new name for "maiden name" so married gay men won’t feel awkward.

"Geboortenaam" translates to "birth name". It will replace maiden name on official forms, radio Netherlands reported on Wednesday.

The Dutch Language Union hopes it will save married gay men from any embarrassment when taking their spouses surname.

Despite its liberal reputation, Amsterdam and the rest of the Netherlands have been facing a rise in homophobic attacks over the last few years.

The government has committed to millions of Euros to fighting homophobia in the country.

A recent European poll found the Dutch to be the strongest supporters of same-sex marriage in the EU, with 82% in favour

I’m a tad surprised they didn’t already have a term for "birth name" in Dutch.  But never mind.  Over there they are trying, really trying, to be inclusive of same sex couples.  And this was such an easy one.  Just say "birth name" on the form instead of "maiden name".  That works too, and doesn’t deny anyone, gay or straight, the dignity of taking their spouse’s name if that’s what they want.  Meanwhile, over here in the land of the free and the home of the brave it’s "…legal marriage defined as one that is legally valid in all 50 states of the United States…"