What a lot of bullied gay kids discover as they get older, is that bullies never really grow out of it…

Gay singer tells of ‘nightmare’

Singer Ian ‘H’ Watkins’ has told of the "complete nightmare" of growing up gay in the south Wales valleys.

The former Steps singer, who is from the Rhondda, filmed a personal account for BBC Wales’ Week In Week Out.

In the programme, he also looked at schools’ treatment of gay issues and admitted he was bullied "relentlessly".

Making the documentary, he said he was shocked to be told by one Christian campaigner that being gay made him no better than a serial killer.

Christian Voice director, Stephen Green, told Watkins his lifestyle was "sinful", and made him no better than US mass murderer Jeffrey Dahmer.

Mr Green also told the former Celebrity Big Brother contestant he could become straight if he wanted to.

The comparison to Dahmer who was jailed for life in 1992 after the Wisconsin trial heard evidence of his cannibalism after murdering his victims came when Watkins told Mr Green he was "completely happy" being gay and that he was in a loving relationship.

Mr Green added: "Jeremy (sic) Dahmer was happy murdering people, does that make it right?"

The comment shocked Watkins and he responded: "So, being completely happy and at one with yourself, and being in a happy, loving relationship is the same as murdering somebody?"

But Mr Green stuck to his guns during the exchange: "Sin is sin…in the eyes of God, sin is sin…"

When Watkins referred to people being born gay, Mr Green told him: "I don’t believe anybody is born homosexual. God wouldn’t allow anybody to be born homosexual."

Watkins, who came out when he was in the Big Brother house alongside Shilpa Shetty and Jade Goody, says he was "absolutely flabbergasted" by the comments.

You might ask why, since like a lot of gay people he’d been hearing them most of his life.  But staring into the face of grinning depravity always comes as a shock, no matter how often you’ve seen it before.  That wasn’t a conversation about Watkin’s homosexuality, it was about his happiness.  Green saw it…saw it was real the moment Watkins told him of it…saw it in his face, in his voice, in that peaceful aura truly happy people gently radiate.  He saw it, and his immediate reflex was to punch it out.  And he reached for the first weapon he could wrap his hands around to do it.  Ah…Jeffrey Dahmer…the cannibal…that’ll do the trick…  And he swung.  He swung at that innermost place in Watkin’s heart where that joy had taken root.

It wasn’t sin Green was striking out at.  God is just the grown up bully’s substitute for mother’s skirt…something to hide behind when the bullied start looking like they’ve had enough.  It was the happiness in Watkin’s voice Green hated, it was his joy, it was the sight of a person in love, and it was pure reflex.  And he did it, with the same brutally carnal delight a playground bully takes in busting apart that nice toy the neighbor’s kid just got for his birthday…for the pleasure of seeing the look in the kid’s eyes when he realizes his toy is gone.  The tears afterward, are like free candy.  Green is probably still savoring the look on Watkin’s face at the moment of impact.  He’ll be savoring it for weeks.