So I resigned shortly after I wrote the post below about why I’d prefer a non-geek boyfriend, from Chemistry.Com.  That’s the dating service that had that cute little commercial jabbing eHarmony for discriminating against gay folks.  Their personality profile test seemed promising and I hoped I would get matches that I might actually be compatible with for a change this time.  So I bought a six month subscription several months ago.  Just last week they stopped sending me new matches.   None of the guys I pinged, about a dozen or so over a period of several months, even bothered sending me back a "not interested".  I can’t even be sure if they were even active members or not.  Nine-tenths of the guys they matched me up with…weren’t even close.  That’s pretty much been my experience with dating services…both online and off.

I don’t think I’m that picky.  There’s a scene at the beginning of the movie Animal House, where the new freshmen Kroger and Dorfman make the rounds of fraternities during pledge week.  First they go to Omega house where they’re greeted with a lot of paper thin smiles and repeatedly ushered into a small room with all the other pledge week rejects.  And it’s not like they see anyone else sitting in there that they have anything in common with either.  They’re all just the random flotsam of pledge week all thrown together in the category of Other…Not Suitable, all staring uncomfortably at each other.  That’s how dating services make me feel.

Peterson Toscano has written about all the tens of thousands of dollars he once spent trying to cure himself of his homosexuality.  Well I haven’t spent quite that much trying to find a boyfriend over the years, but it’s been in the thousands.  I got pushed an ad the other day as I logged out of my MySpace account, for a new gay dating service called MyPartner.  Supposedly it’s only for folks who are interested in long term relationships.  Which makes them similar to…oh…nearly all the other dating services I’ve bought into over the years that promised me they were different from the others, and really, really, honestly were only for people who were really, really, honestly looking for relationships, as opposed to quick hooking up.  The MyPartner basic service, they claim, is free.  But if you are really, really serious about finding romance you can buy into one of their optional packages promising a higher level of service.  The ad I saw flashed in my face recommended the five-thousand dollar "Executive Level" package.  But for a whole ten grand I can get a program customized specifically for my particular needs. 

So…dig it…today’s struggling awkward confused lonely homosexual can spend thousands of dollars in various ex-gay programs over a period of many years to no effect, or they can spend thousands of dollars in various gay dating services over a period of many years to no effect.  Let it be said, The Gay Lifestyle™ gives you options.  This is why all those surveys of gay people keep finding that we all have so much disposable income.  You just can’t afford to be gay if you don’t.

To Whom It May Concern…

[Edited a tad…]