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July 25th, 2008

The Newsstand At The Corner Of Batshit And Crazy

You may think it was aliens from another planet who came out of that UFO and abducted you in order to perform hideous experiments on your body.  But in fact it was the demonic minions of Satan, disguised as aliens, and sent to earth to test your Christian faith.  No, really

Former Apollo 14 astronaut, Dr. Edgar Mitchell, has recently made it public knowledge that aliens exist and that NASA officials have had contact with them. Dr. Mitchell says that there has been a sixty-year cover-up by our government of the existence and reality of aliens.

No doubt, all this will be used to support evolution and discredit the Bible. The fact remains, however, that science has shown that only micro-evolution (variations within a biological kind such as varieties of dogs, cats, horses, cows, etc.) is possible but not macro-evolution (variation across biological kinds or from simpler kinds to more complex ones). The reader is encouraged to read the author’s article ‘The Natural Limits of Evolution’ at www.religionscience.com. Mathematical probability alone has shown that it is not rational, logical, or scientific to believe that life could originate by chance.

Alien beings cannot wait millions of years to evolve complex and necessary organs for survival anymore than species on earth. Imagine a species waiting millions of years for reproductive organs to evolve so that it can finally reproduce!

Then, how do we explain aliens if they are for real? The Bible teaches that Satan and his demons (the fallen angels) can take on take all sorts of shapes and perform all sorts of miracles in order to deceive mankind. In fact, some who have been claimed to be abducted by aliens say that these aliens have told them things that undermine the truth of the Christian Scriptures and the Person and work of Jesus Christ.

This is not say that God cannot create life on other planets, but the point being made here is that the supposed alien contacts popularly mentioned are not actual alien beings at all but the work of dark supernatural forces.

Thus Spake The Conservative Voice.  And lest you think this guy is just another babbling street corner nutcase, I’m telling you he’s got credentials

The author, Babu G. Ranganatha, has his B.A. degree with concentrations in theology and biology from Bob Jones University, and has been recognized for his writings on religion and science in the 24th edition of Marquis Who’s Who In The East.

That’s Bob with a ‘B’ Jones University my man.  They don’t hand out diplomas to just any old crank who walks in the door let me tell you.  I mean…imagine, just imagine, a species waiting millions of years for reproductive organs to evolve so that it can finally reproduce.  Just…imagine.

So now I’ve seen UFO conspiracy theory, Creationism, Darbyist fundamentalism, and right wing conservatism all rolled into one.  Who needs drugs when you’ve got reality?

2 Responses to “The Newsstand At The Corner Of Batshit And Crazy”

  1. Bob C Says:

    The bible is FULL of accounts that can very easily be explained as Alien visitations. Angles, Demons, Pillars of light, bright stars that move around for Wise men to follow. Pauls "vision" on the road to Damascus, Jesus himself saying "I am not of this Earth, I come from above, far beyond".
    And then there is Bob Lazar, a kiss-and-tell physicist who worked at Area 51, who eventually found that Aliens regard us as nothing more then "Containers" (For souls?) And that Aliens basically created 3 different world religions (Complete with emaculate conceptions, and attended to by "angles") all for the purpose of giving us some basic guidelines so we don’t "Damage the containers".
    THAT sounds just as much, if not more plausible then the whole Christian-Jesus tale. In fact, I like that version MUCH better! 
    Jesus was an Alien Zombie! 
    And yes, there have been other astronauts who have said in interviews that "We are not alone", and have seen other ships and things on the moon. For a little heavy reading (In that its full of a lot of math and geometry) Read "Dark Mission" by Richard Hoagland. (It wouldn’t surprise me if knowingly, or unknowingly, you had written some code that went along with some of the things he petitioned NASA to do)
    I like the idea of Aliens! 

  2. Willie Hewes Says:

    Huhhhwhaaa?!
    Well done, that is a scary amount of crazy. I still don’t understand what space aliens have to do with evolution, but this seems to be written in logic-proof script anyway, so who knows.

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