Today is going to be murder to get through, but it’s my own doing. I let my depressed state screw me over. I should have planned to go down to the Supreme Court marriage Proposition 8 protests\/counter protests regardless. \u00a0 I actually took the days off well in advance. \u00a0 But then I cancelled because I have been down ever since Valentine’s Day and I just didn’t want to deal with that part of me. \u00a0 Ironically, that not wanting to deal with the emotional creative part of me is what got me into computers, and making the very nice living I am making now. \u00a0 But there was a big drawback to all of that. \u00a0 This path I chose, has led me to a cliff. \u00a0 Now that the day is here I really want to be down there with my cameras photographing it but management wants not. Ever have one of those conversations with your boss, where the boss looks at you, smiles and says “It’s your call” and you know goddamn well what the call is supposed to be? \u00a0 It was one of those.<\/p>\n
Maybe that would have been the reality anyway. \u00a0 So many things are happening at work now. \u00a0 Launch is in 2018 and while that seems like a long way off, there is a lot of up front work that needs to be done. \u00a0 A lot. Probably, it’s no fooling, I really have to be here and stay on top of my work. \u00a0 Maybe making it up on the weekend really just doesn’t cut it. \u00a0 Maybe it wasn’t a question of my boss telling me I could not have divided loyalties in his workspace. \u00a0 Put that artsy fartsy stuff away, you’re an adult now, live in the real world…<\/em> But this is really stabbing me in the heart now.<\/p>\n Sometimes I wish I could just surgically remove that emotional creative part of me that keeps wanting to make imagery. \u00a0 I hear this thing inside of us drives other artists insane too and it’s been this way all my life, particularly as it’s become lonelier and lonelier and because of that, sometimes I really don’t want to look at what comes out of me. \u00a0 And while it’s had its rewards it cuts me to ribbons too. \u00a0 It is right now. \u00a0 I could have done without it. \u00a0 Life as an emotionless cog in the machinery wouldn’t be so bad.<\/p>\n So now, at fifty-nine, I think I know why the stereotype of the starving artist exists. \u00a0 It isn’t because they can’t find decent work, it’s because they know what will happen when they do, so they stay in their little slumtown lofts and hovels because any work that pulls them away from the creative urge makes their inner lives a complete mess. \u00a0 Well…more mess then what would be normal for them anyway. In the end the choice isn’t live a very low budget life but get to do your work whenever you want to, verses get a good job and appease the creative urge in your spare time…it’s follow your heart or slowly go mad, pick one.<\/p>\n Wish I’d been brave enough to take the poor scrappy starving artist path. Who knows, maybe the boyfriend would have been somewhere along that way. \u00a0 But nerve was always something I had trouble with having enough of. \u00a0 Just ask Tico.<\/p>\n Anyway…to those confronting the haters today and tomorrow…be proud. You are writing new lines in the history books. Wish I could be there with my cameras to get some shots of it happening.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Today is going to be murder to get through, but it’s my own doing. I let my depressed state screw me over. I should have planned to go down to the Supreme Court marriage Proposition 8 protests\/counter protests regardless. \u00a0 I actually took the days off well in advance. \u00a0 But then I cancelled because […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[56,7],"tags":[145,147,103],"class_list":["post-7096","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-art","category-life","tag-a-life","tag-the-artists-need","tag-the-human-heart"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7096","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7096"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7096\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7096"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7096"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7096"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}