Marshall Sella went undercover<\/a> to understand the allure of the gay-cruising app. After interviewing the men who met up with him, he applied his knowledge to Blendr, the straight version:<\/p>\n In large part, human interaction is irrational or it is nothing. This is especially true with dumb sex. Dumb sex makes a fool of logic. If you’re the man who has a “type” in romance, you probably also have a “system” at cards. Blendr is built on these insights into our silliness and our strangeness, and instead of finding you the person you think you’re looking for, the software opens your eyes to the people around you.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n The person you think you’re looking for…<\/em> No jackass. \u00a0 I have a type in romance…which is to say I know what my libido is sexually attracted to and what it is not, and what sort of person I am emotionally attracted to and what sort of person I am not. \u00a0 Combine sexual attractiveness with emotional attractiveness and you have your romantic type. \u00a0 That is, if you are even the type who is into romance. \u00a0 A lot of people aren’t. \u00a0 If you aren’t…look…don’t even think for one second you grok those of us who are. \u00a0 You don’t. \u00a0 You can’t. \u00a0 Clearly, it isn’t you.<\/p>\n Dumb sex makes a fool of logic…<\/em> Well no…actually the fool is you. \u00a0 Knowing what works and what doesn’t work for you romantically isn’t the same as thinking you have a system for playing cards. \u00a0 You might have a system for finding and dating your romantic type that works as well (or not) as your system at cards but that is a separate thing from who you are, and who you are not attracted do. \u00a0 And you almost get it when you say that sex can make a fool of logic. \u00a0 It’s making a fool of yours right now.<\/p>\n Yes…libido has its own separate and relentless logic and you just have to accept that it will want what it wants. \u00a0 It isn’t something you can switch on and off, it isn’t a blackboard you can wipe clean and scribble onto it whatever you’d rather have there. \u00a0 It is what it is.<\/em> Your gay neighbors understand (or they damn well ought to) how that is…<\/p>\n We learn to deal with it. \u00a0 You can too. \u00a0 But that’s just the desire part.<\/em> Then there is this thing we tend to refer to metaphorically as the “Heart”. \u00a0 It has its own logic too. \u00a0 My libido may or may not tick like yours. \u00a0 Likewise for my heart.<\/p>\n You may think the heart part doesn’t matter, or isn’t important, or it always gets shoved into the car and taken for a ride to the nearest motel by the libido part…but that’s just how it looks to you.<\/em> A lot of people probably share your point of view. \u00a0 A lot of people don’t. \u00a0 We’re not naive.<\/em> You are, if you think your point of view is the only realistic one.<\/p>\n It’s like the lady said<\/a>: \u00a0 Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.<\/em> But also like the man said<\/a>: \u00a0 When you die you’re going to regret the things you don’t do. You think you’re queer? I’m going to tell you something: we’re all queer. You think you’re a thief? So what? You get befuddled by a middle-class morality? Get shut of it. Shut it out. You cheat on your wife? You did it, live with it. You fuck little girls, so be it. There’s an absolute morality? Maybe. And then what? If you think there is, go ahead, be that thing. Bad people go to hell? I don’t think so. If you think that, act that way. A hell exists on earth? Yes. I won’t live in it.<\/em><\/p>\n If Grindr is your thing then go for it. \u00a0 If random casual sex is your thing, fine. \u00a0 Be that. \u00a0 If you wake up next morning in bed with a total stranger and you’re feeling ashamed like you always do when you do that then stop doing that. \u00a0 If a new conquest every night makes you feel like you’re on top of the world then bask in the glory. \u00a0 But don’t fucking tell me that something like Grindr “opens your eyes to the people around you.” \u00a0 Hahahaha<\/em>….that’s bullshit. \u00a0 It’s the kind of bullshit people tell themselves because they’re afraid of being called pigs and sluts.<\/p>\n Look…admit it…Grindr just a goddamned sex park and if you’re there then clearly it’s because you want to be an item on somebody’s menu. \u00a0 Fine. \u00a0 No, really. \u00a0 It’s Okay<\/em>. \u00a0 If that’s you, then go ahead and be that. \u00a0 If you think all that dating and romance stuff is for children and arrested adolescents who still cry when Rick tells Ilsa they’ll always have Paris then so be it. \u00a0 Life is short. \u00a0 As long as everyone knows what they’re in it for and they treat the people they take into their arms honestly and decently then for god’s sake go ahead and just whore around if that’s what you want. \u00a0 Sex is wonderful!<\/em><\/p>\n Life is good. \u00a0 Don’t end up on your death bed with a lot of regrets about everything (everyone) you didn’t do when you had a chance to. \u00a0 There’s nothing to be ashamed of here. \u00a0 Admit it: you don’t actually want to get to know any of those people, just fuck them. \u00a0 Grindr is telling you everything you want to know about them, and nothing you couldn’t care less about. \u00a0 Are they sexy…yes or no…are they close at hand…is there someplace nearby I can get them alone and horizontal…<\/em><\/p>\n I am not being cynical here. \u00a0 This poor angry world, I am convinced, would be a much nicer<\/em>, more peaceful and productive place, if everyone was a bit more sexually fulfilled. \u00a0 What we all need to understand in the pursuit of that great big beautiful tomorrow however, is that one person’s paradise is another person’s trailer park. \u00a0 I get that. \u00a0 You need to get it too.<\/p>\n Now kindly get the fuck off our backs. \u00a0 You don’t get romantics. \u00a0 You never will. \u00a0 Now go away.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/ex-gay-switch.jpg\" "\\"ex-gay-switch\\"")
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\nThis switch does not exist<\/em><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/images\/yaoi_candy.jpg\")
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