Ahem…<\/p>\n
To The Three Dim Bulbs With Full Shopping Carts Who Monopolized The Self Checkouts At The Superfresh Just Up The Street:<\/strong> Thank you for wasting the precious minutes of the lives of everyone in the long line that developed behind you, watching you struggle to cope with a device even someone with a lead pipe shoved through their brains could figure out how to use. But not you apparently. Oh…and with shopping carts half full of unlabeled produce no less. Which means you have to flail around for five or ten minutes trying to figure out what you have in your hands and then how to enter the produce code for it, and then ohmyfuckinggod how to weigh the motherfucking thing and then remember that you have to put it in the fucking bag when your done. Nice. I’m talking to you Mrs Upscale Granola Lady, who probably knows the precise nutritional value of every motherfucking one of those bananas and carrot sticks and broccoli heads and other produce section crap you loaded your shopping cart up with, but can’t be bothered to learn how to use a goddamned self checkout machine before you fucking walk up to it. Oh…and You<\/em>, Mr. Middle-Aged Overweight Sports Slacks Polo Shirt And Golf Cap. The patient as a saint lady behind the service counter had to walk up and help you fourteen, count em, fourteen times while you tried valiantly to do what the goddamned screen prompts were telling you to fucking do in the first place. Like…you know…place the item in the bag after you’d scanned it. Let me give you a hint…just between you and me… Scan your motherfucking coupons in by placing the bar code face Down<\/em>. Moron. Oh…and swipe your credit card on the side with the goddamned magnetic strip on it. You didn’t have to try another card. The first one you picked out of that wallet full of plastic would have worked if you’d just…you know…swiped correctly. Jackass. Do you even Know what that magnetic stripe on the card is for? No…it’s not for sticking your credit card to the refrigerator door. I hope your wife is paying your bills because you’d be licking the wrong side of the envelope flap before you mailed them. With the wrong checks inside the envelops. When you were done the bagging side of that self checkout machine was so full I swear I thought it was going to tip over. And sure enough it took you another…what…five minutes…to carefully…meticulously…re-pack your shopping cart while the self checkout machine just sat there waiting for the next customer. Good thing the lady behind the service counter came over to help you with that mentally challenging task or you’d have been there for the rest of the afternoon. Let me guess…it was too much like having to put the square pegs in the square holes in kindergarten wasn’t it? The bags…they don’t fit…maybe if I placed the one with the bread in it underneath the one with the three two-liter bottles of Coke in it…<\/em> Golly…the line behind you folks sure cleared out fast once you got the hell out of the way didn’t it? I have a wee suggestion. Next time you’re buying groceries, use the regular checkout lines<\/em>. The time you save getting to the front of the self checkout lanes, because most of the people using them are only buying just a few items, you loose in spades because you just don’t fucking have a clue. Admit it. Embrace your destiny. You are not qualified to check yourself out of a mental hospital, let alone a grocery store. Use the regular checkout lines. Trust me…the folks who are being paid to scan your items, weigh your produce, enter the produce codes, and bag everything, do it a hell of a lot faster then you. You will get out of the store quicker, even if you don’t get to the head of the line quicker. And you won’t have a long line of people behind you, all picturing how good it would feel to cut your empty head off, place it on the scanner tray, enter the produce code on the touch screen for Inconsiderate Time Sucking Asshole<\/strong> and stuff it in one of those little plastic grocery bags.\n<\/p>\n Okay…done…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Ahem… To The Three Dim Bulbs With Full Shopping Carts Who Monopolized The Self Checkouts At The Superfresh Just Up The Street: Thank you for wasting the precious minutes of the lives of everyone in the long line that developed behind you, watching you struggle to cope with a device even someone with a lead […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[19],"class_list":["post-1956","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life","tag-the-jackass-chronicles"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1956","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1956"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1956\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1956"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1956"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1956"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}