{"id":14261,"date":"2026-03-26T17:25:59","date_gmt":"2026-03-26T22:25:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/?p=14261"},"modified":"2026-03-26T17:36:55","modified_gmt":"2026-03-26T22:36:55","slug":"lost-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/14261","title":{"rendered":"Lost"},"content":{"rendered":"

Scrolling through some old blog posts here I came across this one<\/a>, did some double checking and…yeah…it’s just four months after this other one<\/a>. It just really crashed everything I was up to creatively then. And then I spent another decade living in a wonderful dream only to crash and burn even worse.<\/p>\n

\n

Nat King Cole is singing on my iPod and it\u2019s drizzling freezing rain outside and I\u2019m nursing a glass of Kahlua and there is a face and a name that I just can\u2019t get out of my thoughts, and it\u2019s been like that for days now and I\u2019m sorry. I had a couple of cartoons I wanted to get finished before today and I just haven\u2019t been able to put pen to paper for days now. This is why I stopped drawing, stopped painting, stopped working with my cameras, for over a decade\u2026it\u2019s why I\u2019m a software engineer now, and not the graphic artist or photographer everyone from Woodward assumed I\u2019d become someday\u2026this bundle of feeling that I have to deal with every time I walk into that space inside of me where all my creativity comes from. There\u2019s a piece missing from what should have been my life and before I can sit down and do anything in my art room I have to deal with that and sometimes I just can\u2019t. There\u2019s a bit of that loss, that quiet, waiting, life-on-hold emptiness, in Everything I\u2019ve Ever Done since 1975 and by the late 1980s I just got so sick of seeing it staring back at me from my artwork that I just stopped doing anything\u2026I took my easel down, put my oils, my pens and charcoal sticks, my drawing pads away, put my cameras away, and just plinked on a computer (just like I\u2019m doing now) for creative release.<\/em><\/p>\n

I want that part of me back. I really want it back…<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Yeah. But it’s not coming back.<\/p>\n

[Update…<\/em>] I moved forward a few days in the blog posts and came across this ode to Scarborough Fair<\/em><\/a>…<\/p>\n

\n

…it\u2019s all just ambiguous enough that you can see in it almost anything you want to.\u00a0 Maybe this was medieval England\u2019s 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover.\u00a0 Maybe its a devoted couple having a good laugh together that while they aren\u2019t the perfect lovers of the folk tales and ballads, they\u2019re still happily in love all the same.\u00a0 Maybe its a couple who\u2019ve let each other down, angrily hurling impossible demands at each other.\u00a0 Maybe the song is about how love makes us rise above ourselves, brings things out of us that we\u2019d never have known were there, never have known we could do or become, until we met that one person we would do anything for.<\/p>\n

\n

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?<\/em>
\nParsley, sage, rosemary and thyme,<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Perhaps once upon a time there were two people who might have loved, but time and circumstance just made it impossible.\u00a0 And now all they can do is wave at each other at a distance, smile a little, laugh a little, and ironically give each other these little absurd tasks to win each other, knowing full well it can never be.<\/p>\n

\n

Remember me to one who lives there,<\/em>
\nHe once was a true love of mine.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n

What do you do when your heart is breaking? Write a song. Write some poetry. Make art that gets it out of you, before despair makes you want to go jump off a bridge.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Scrolling through some old blog posts here I came across this one, did some double checking and…yeah…it’s just four months after this other one. It just really crashed everything I was up to creatively then. And then I spent another decade living in a wonderful dream only to crash and burn even worse. Nat King […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[130],"class_list":["post-14261","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life","tag-lonelyache"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14261","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14261"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14261\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14264,"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14261\/revisions\/14264"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14261"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14261"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brucegarrett.com\/brucelog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14261"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}