Think Of The Children
So…Andrew Sullivan would like us to know that Don Imus isn’t really all that bad…inexcusable though his bigotry is…
The Imus Ranch
It does amazing things for some very sick and needy children. It does not excuse Imus’ bigotry, but it’s worth noting nonetheless. It’s more than I’ve ever done for sick kids. And probably more than you have either.
That’s really swell Andrew. Yes…let’s think of the children. How many gay kids you suppose have had their faces slammed into their lockers after one of their peers spent the morning bellylaughing at the fag jokes on Imus In The Morning?
When Imus appeared on Sharpton’s radio show, he talked about how he helps “restore the self-esteem and dignity” of children with cancer and other medical conditions through a boot-camp-style program at his ranch in New Mexico. But that’s not what Nobile heard about the ranch when he tuned into a March 1999 show:
VOICE IMITATING GENERAL GEORGE PATTON: … and what is the stated Imus ranch mission? You in the back.
PRIVATE: To give sick kids hands-on experiences of the great American cowboy from the rough and rugged all West.
VOICE IMITATING GENERAL GEORGE PATTON: And that is defined as?
PRIVATE: Sir, that’s defined as where men were men and sheep were sheep and Billy the Kid knew with whom to sleep.
VOICE IMITATING GENERAL GEORGE PATTON: Precisely, and that sleeping, boys, was not accomplished with the help of a damn down-filled, double-stitched, quilted, puffed-up, panty-waist, tofu-sucking sleeping bag you’d find rolled up in the back of Martha Stewart’s Land Rover tucked in beside the damned Nordstrom picnic basket. Boys, when we go out to that ranch we will give the troop that cowboy experience. Whether Corporal Imus knows it or not, even though we’ll be bivouacked in the vicinity of Santa Fe, we will not be conducting experiments in the lifestyles of the gay caballero. Gear we employ will not originate at L.L. Bean. It will be obtained from the quartermaster of our beloved United States Army. OD in color, standard regulation issue. Do I make myself clear?
PRIVATE: Sir, yes sir, sir. No Judy Garland gear, sir.
VOICE IMITATING GENERAL GEORGE PATTON: I can’t hear you.
PRIVATE: [louder] Sir, no Judy Garland gear, sir.
VOICE IMITATING GENERAL GEORGE PATTON: Sound off like you had a pair, maggot.
PRIVATE: [shouting] Sir, all steers, no queers, sir.
Right. Self-esteem and dignity. Bought the usual way those things are bought among Don Imus’ kind…by stripping the self-esteem and dignity away from someone else. I’m sure many gay kids have had a simply wonderful time in the closets at the Imus Ranch. You know how it is…play along to get along? Self-esteem. Dignity. Kids. Needy Kids.
