First, you have to understand that for years…decades really…I’ve considered driving a stick shift to be the only kind of real driving there is.  Everything else is merely riding.  When looking at a new car, the stick was a manditory feature.  If the dealer couldn’t sell me a stick it was a deal breaker.  Every new car I’ve ever bought, has had a stick. 

Until now.  Because I always wanted a Mercedes…

So I’m driving my new Mercedes-Benz c300 to Arlington Virginia, to visit some friends that I visit most every Friday evening.  There are a group of us middle aged gay guys who get-together every Friday for happy hour drinks, and then a good restaurant, and then maybe a little clubbing afterwards.  I usually stop first at Jon’s house, where we meet up with Joe, and then the three of us all go in Joe’s nice new Acura TL to the 30 Degrees lounge where we meet up with the others in our group. 

It was admiring Joe’s Acura when he got it, that got me thinking about actually buying the Mercedes I’ve always wanted.  We’re both IT professionals, both of us in pretty well paying positions.  If he didn’t feel ostentatious about owning a car like that, then maybe I shouldn’t either. 

I took delivery of the Mercedes Friday morning.  I put the key in the ignition at 1PM (actually an infrared dongle thingy that only vaguely resembles a key…there’s a picture of it a couple posts down…), started the car up, drove it off the dealer’s lot and headed right to Jon’s.  I left early so I could take my first drive in the new car casually, unhurriedly, learning its road feel, keeping its speed and revs within the limits set by the manual for the first thousand mile break-in period.  The car is a pure pleasure to take down the highway.

When I get to Arlington, I realize I haven’t eaten all day and I’m famished.  As soon as I get off the beltway, I head for a Subway shop I know is in a shopping center near the exit.  I pull in to a parking spot, set the parking brake, switch off the ignition, and for a few moments savor the feeling of being surrounded by the car I’d always dreamed of owning.  Then I go to pull the key out of the ignition.

It doesn’t budge.  What the hell…???   The damn key is stuck in the ignition and I can’t get it out.   I turn it this way and that…turn the motor back on and off again.  Nothing works the key is frozen in the ignition.

Damn!   Damn!   My new car…and it’s already broken.  When Jon and Joe hear about this they’re going to laugh their tails off…   I could hear the teasing already…  Nice car Bruce…guess you’ll always know where the key is…  Hey…that’s one of those Mercedes safety features…so you’ll never loose the key…right…?  I’d hear about it for years…I just knew it.

Damn!  Damn!   How do I get this goddamned key out of the ignition?   My eyes begin to wander around the dash, which is still activated because the key is still in the ignition.  I try pulling out the key again.  It won’t budge.  My hand drops down to my side…taps randomly on the shift lever while I try to think.  And then I realize…

…I’d forgotten to put the car in Park.

Oh.  Right.  

Once I do that, the car gives me my key back.  See…I could just turn the engine off and leave the car in gear when I was driving a stick.  All you people who only drive automatics and hate sticks can go ahead and laugh at me now.