My Cat Got Hit By A Car And I’m Losing My Mind.
If only I could stop flashing back to that moment when I looked out the window and saw her thrashing on the street in front of my house. If only I could stop reliving that last minute of her life.
I’m trying now, whenever the images come rushing back, to deflect them away by thinking instead of the things Claudia did when she was alive. Like the way she would run down to the car to greet me when I got home from work. It was something the neighbors noticed. She quickly learned to recognize my car and when it pulled up to the curb there she was. It became a routine. She’d greet me at the sidewalk next to the car, tail held high, and I’d take my stuff out of the trunk and walk over to her and stroke her, then tell her she’d gotten dirt in her tail again and I’d try to get it out until she became annoyed (the brush, which she loved, was more successful and getting her tail clean), and then we’d walk together to the front door.
I thought cats didn’t do that. The stereotype is they never come unless it’s hearing the can opener. But she always ran to me whenever I came home, and often in the evenings when I opened the door. It was, I swear, like the opening titles to Lassie. She would just come bounding toward me. And in the house, in the kitchen as I readied her food dish, she would stroll around my feet, giving me that vibrating tail that is a signal of cat love. She would put her front paws up on the sink cabinet and claw at the door looking up into my face and I would reach down and give the back of her neck a scratch. Sometimes she would leap up onto the counter top and drink from the sink faucet…cats prefer running sources of water, she would never drink from the bowl. So I bought her one of those pet water fountains they sell nowadays, and watched as the little noise its pump made, plus her cat curiosity, drew her to it to investigate. She began drinking from it immediately.
All those things she did that I’ll never see again. I only had her officially for a little over a month. It’s like I’m just not allowed to have any relationship of mutual unconditional love and joy in my life. When the images of her in the street and me bending down to her howling myself horse like it was me that got hit come rushing back I try to think of something she always did while she was alive. But it keeps coming back, that moment I looked out the window and thought for a second she was scratching her back on the concrete like she sometimes did on the sidewalk, and then I realized.
I’ve received a lot of love and sympathy from my friends on Facebook, and my neighbors here on Redfern. Her previous owner and his roommates left a sympathy card by my door last night with their thoughts inside. My brother called me and we talked. It’s been a big help. But sometimes it feels like my brain wants to leave my head and float away and it scares me. This happened to me when mom passed away and I got through it by just letting it happen, and going through the motions of my life. I think I can manage it again. I can do housework tomorrow, and tidy up the spot in my front yard where she liked to lay, and where I’ll scatter her ashes when I get them back from the pet cemetery.
September 30th, 2013 at 11:51 am
Aloha Bruce:
I want to say my heart goes out to you. I know the feeling. My first cat Simba (after 25 years of NOT owning a cat do they own us?) i moved to Hawaii then adopted an orange tabby. My Make A Wish daughter wanted a cat for downstairs where she lived then moved to Northern California unable to sleep at night with “the neighbors” who party & blast terrible music from the 60’s until 4:00 a.m. I kid you not. It’s not the best of neighborhoods not what we were used to so after she moved unable to take her cat I brought Sims baby upstairs in at 3:00 p.m. like she did. Only problem he bonded with her so he crashed out my screens trying to get outside knowing his owner Stephanie was GONE. I then adopted two Egyptian maus (brothers bottle fed every two hours by a cat lover after their mother was hit by a car found in some lava rock as tiny kittens) then Boots my favorite kitten. Simba first disappeared by then I got death threats from this bad Korean man who HATED cats every day for six months after Sims would catch rats under his house it’s two feet underneath it. Sims went missing by now he was almost feral only coming in to eat sometimes spent only a few nights sleeping inside on top of the cabinets. The Haole neighbor in front of me poisoned a bunch of cats in his princess’ house with rat poison mixing it with cat food then placing it in the back yard. Haole is a white person usually this jaded one spoke of dumping bodies in lava tubes on the other side of the island in Hilo. I live in the Key West side like FL where I lived for 33+ years in Kailua Kona. In FL where I lived NO one ever poisoned or was cruel in my gated village the cats even stray ones ruled! Now back to Boots he was WORLD sleeping every night at my feet he loved his new playmate Oreo half black/half white with a white body with three dots, black tail and black/white Chinese face I found her living in a parking lot of a dental office running under cars meowing for food as a tiny kitten. I rented a cage for $50 from the Humane Society then got my $$ back after trapping her. I had Boots Bruce for over one years. The last night of his life he walked onto the smooth top stove barely burning his back paws so I applied Aloe thinking it would cool them. Aloe I learned since is toxic to cats & dogs so he ran outside to escape then licked his paws not wanting to come back inside. I would bring in my cats all four at night usually by 10:00 p.m. or 11:00 p.m. as they slept ALL day long as cats are nocturnal. At times I couldn’t find Boots even in the day.  BTW all my cats except Oreo a girl (I’m getting a FREE spay certificate Oct. 1st from the Humane Society) are fixed. My world sank deep in the darkest moments of my life just like yours after calling him for hours looking for him I finally at 2:00 a.m. gave up then tried to sleep WITHOUT him. At 4:30 a.m. I found him stiff in the street run over by a car with blood running from his ears & nose. Don’t feel GUILTY. I feel the same way! I had Boots for over one year. I have a big piece of property yet cat lady across the street I think he may have been playing with them like Simba did. Curiosity killed the cat. I blamed myself. Didn’t want to live at that point by now that feeling is just deep sadness. Every TIME you or I let a cat out just remember it may be the LAST time you see your cat or mine. I will say this as a precaution. After adopting many cats you simply don’t want the next cat to be left outside after only ONE month without you at home keeping an eye on him or her. Or let that cat out late at night a fact I learned too hard. The only way to keep a cat ALIVE to to keep him or her INSIDE 24/7 never to be allowed outside. That said I read that from 6 mos. – two years that’s the most dangerous time of a cat’s life when they will roam in spite of being neutered or spayed. Female cats don’t roam like males. I have a new guy Bruce. He’s not my Boots I miss so terribly much I have a broken heart now. Next door an vicious pit bull will kill my new kitten my other cats ONLY Simba walked up to Cocoa who’s tied to his house 22 hours a day then for two hours he roams at large even in my yard! Cocoa has bit my dog twice, other dogs even the police. Call the cops right? NOPE Not unless you want trouble with “the neighbors” mostly locals not too many Hawaiians who will make your life a living hell. Both my daughters MOVED it’s that bad. No Aloha spirit on my street. BTW it’s a very QUIET street so I found my Boots with his mouth open in so much pain trying to make it across the street that night so I have a ton of guilt. My life felt like yours it ended yet Bruce we must go on. We must both learn a valuable lesson which is to NEVER expect a cat to act like a dog. Cats are independent I even added Oreo to make Boots happy when Simba died so they will stray. The vet said poisonings of cats (even rat poison or antifreeze) is happening all over the island even the most expensive subdivisions by “neighbors”. Don’t let this STOP you from adopting another cat next time will be different. I adopted this cute kitten ironically he makes the same noises (none of the others do) like Boots so at 3 mos. old I have to keep him inside for a few months then bring three cats in including him at night REAL early like by 8:00 p.m. Some drive fast or drunk at night so I think if Boots was brought in earlier he would be still alive tho’ he wanted OUT to play at night. My other cat KitKat or Baby he’s quite content to sleep all day then walks around he’s quite lazy & fat so he sleeps outside. He’s the ONLY one that doesn’t stray too far yet I found him across the street to see another female cat he’s neutered. Don’t let this bad experience prevent you from adopting another cat. I love the newest guy yet he’s not my prized Boots so I feel for you. Boots had free rein of my house coming in & out with the screened sliding door open he loved his life except he was too SOCIAL wanting to play with cats across the street we think even if his playmates are in his yard. Cats have enhanced my life so will I give up on having cats? Probably not. I will say I thought of my next place to screen in even the back yard so they can’t escape. Even so I will NEVER have my Boots so now I must go to the beach enjoy my life since before that I was so WORRIED Boots would be next. NO matter how much you love a cat they simply love to explore so when getting a new cat especially don’t let him or her out UNLESS you’re home. I would lock my cats up when I left then let them out after I got home. Still you see my Boots still crossed the street that has only a few cars or trucks coming by so it only takes one. Someone told me at night it’s difficult to see cars in my case I did see Boots try to out run a truck once so at 16 mos. the driver slowed down then let him cross in the daytime (the same age as Simba) some cats simply don’t know HOW to cross a street safely.  Adopt another cat when you’re ready just remember letting that cat out even ONCE it may be the last time you have him or her. I want my cats to chase geckos to chase a bird to feel grass underneath their paws to be FREE. Freedom as a HUGE price. Sometimes especially if you work a lot it’s best to adopt two cats so they will play and not notice your long hours away from home. Cats like company so they get real lonely. This new kitty he’s 3 months old so I am watching him like I did for ALL others while I’m home he’s outside once I leave he’s inside UNTIL I feel 100% comfortable he will not just run off. After only one month it’s too early I learned this the hard way when Tiger my Egyptian mau was missing for three weeks! Two houses over the neighbors kept him inside UNTIL he got out then returned home as I spent the entire time calling his name and looking for him. I love cats Bruce don’t let this one bad unfortunate accident prevent you from finding another kitty. I was told females don’t stray as much as males. Just remember it takes months for a kitty to adjust so they don’t know their limits & even if it’s fenced they will escape. I sit him typing downstairs in my courtyard as my cats play with the new kitten who’s just a baby not knowing what danger lurks ahead. Your heart will heal in time like mine in the meanwhile take care of yourself same likewise in my case. I type while Tiger is kneading on me. My Make A Wish daughter struggles every day to live then a former doctor with brain injuries has a a HUGE recovery to make after an almost fatal car accident so we’re good!  Cats have removed my ohana so they mean the WORLD to me. Yet now I must go back to swimming in the ocean, snorkeling/diving with dolphins to find my happiness again not just with felines with only the survivors that will survive. As I look around I see tons of cats that live crossing the street so I know life isn’t fair so it is what it is. Sorry for your loss & mine may we keep the faith we gave the best life to our cat(s) you may in time after your heart heals adopt another one or two next time we’ll put extra effort into making the next feline a member of our ohana for years to come. I blame myself what if I didn’t put the Aloe or maybe Boots crossed the street when I called him? GUILT will only bring us down not bring our cats back. Live your life like there’s no tomorrow.
September 30th, 2013 at 12:25 pm
I meant the cats REPLACED my ohana (means family in Hawaiian) yet UNLESS you find someone like me that feels your pain others will simply say, “It’s a cat get out over it!” It’s not. Your Claudia just like my first cat Simba he would run up & greet my car every time I drove home. One last warning DON’T allow your neighbors to get up CLOSE & PERSONAL with your cats I may trust ONE Texas couple who Simba like always in their yard. Others would simply place Simba in a mailbox at night he would come up to ANYone not good. My MAW daughter’s friend her & her dad built a screened in cat enclosure with pvc EXCEPT it’s too small with only ONE cat he’s the loneliest cat on the island. While I watch my newest kitten he’s already escaped so I have the other cats to show him the ropes. Don’t dwell on the last moments of Claudia’s life remember her when he was having fun or greeting you when you drove up to your home. It’s HARD sometimes I don’t feel like coming home myself. It’s been exactly 10 days. Seeing my Boots with that pained look in his face was TOO much for me. I just can’t believe with only a few cars how did it happen? Today I feel somewhat stronger yet we will still have regrets. No matter HOW much we love our cat(s) they will simply explore so if you’re intent on keeping a cat for a real long time keep her (or him) indoors 24/7. My daughter said most outside cats last about two years tops. I have allergies to cats plus I have a BIG yard so I feel it’s cruel to leave them SLEEP day & night getting fat not enjoying the freedom of outside. I will NEVER forgive myself the Aloe Factor even if it means I am not being rational. Screening in a small enclosure while I said it was cruel it also keeps the cat ALIVE so take it for whatever it’s worth Bruce. Peace out
September 30th, 2013 at 12:39 pm
P. S. I even may put my house up for sale Bruce I feel that bad. The house even with three cats mostly (Baby stays mostly outside even him I caught crossing the street twice lately after Boots died) is STILL empty in my mind. Boots would play on my bamboo divider chasing Oreo making my house feel so lively. While I love Tiger & the new kitty especially both are very affectionate sitting like a dog in your lap for hours it’s not the same with Boots gone. Try NOT to get so attached just like me both of us our cats were our WORLD. Finding the right cat that will stay in your yard will be extremely difficult yet you may don’t give up. RIP Boots & Claudia