…standing in long lines to get into shopping malls and stores for phantom bargains and dog piling on this year’s must-have gift, getting pissed off at everyone around us, cursing and maybe even take a few swings at complete strangers, driving through massive traffic jams, spending hours hunting for a parking space, tempting traffic accident fate on highways full of drivers too busy worrying about their shopping lists to pay attention to the traffic around them, generally raising blood pressure and sulking angrily at home because you couldn’t find what you were looking for Anywhere, because the holidays are a time of peace on earth good will toward all…

A piston engine…I looked Everywhere and they were all sold out..!

I started seeing people posting on Facebook and Twitter last night about the long lines in shopping malls. Are you people nuts? Never mind the relentless consumerism…how do you plan on enjoying the holiday season when you’re getting wound up tighter than a watch spring fighting crowds and traffic???

Buy your gifts online. That’s what I’ve done for years now because I decline to make myself miserable in holiday feeding frenzies.   I Hate Crowds. And from what I’m reading, everyone else does too.   So I have a question: why do all of you keep doing this to yourselves?   This is Peace On Earth Goodwill Toward Everyone time, not Work Yourself Into A Frustrated Temper Tantrum time.

Relax.   Kick back.   It’s the end of the year.   Time to reflect on life…all the things you have to be thankful for…and all the people you love.   Sit down at your computer…we’ve all got one these days…and browse the online catalogs.   There are tons.   It’s nothing new, just a new twist on an old Christmas tradition…the wish catalog.   When I was a boy there were these big phone book sized catalog things people ordered from by mail.   And every year we got mail ordered stuff from relatives, along with the usual Christmas packages.   What the magical wonderful computer does for us 21st century people is put all those catalogs right at our fingertips!   Think of it…every catalog you ever wanted to browse…there.   And you can fill out your order, specify gift wrapping and a nice card to go with it, pay and you’re done.   All from the comfort an convenience of your own home!   You can shop in your pajamas even!   And things still come in the mail just like they did when you were a kid.   Your loved ones will be just as delighted.

A little less traffic might make the holidays nicer….just saying.   Seriously…this is a time of year to remember how good life is, and how wonderful that we are human beings, and not sharks all piled together in a feeding frenzy.

[Update…]   Kevin Drum does a little digging and discovers the origin of the term “Black Friday” really is as dark as you’d expect from just hearing it and not knowing it’s supposed to mean the day retail sales go into the black (profitable) zone.

…all the evidence points in one direction. The term originated in Philadelphia in the 50s or earlier and wasn’t in common use in the rest of the country until decades later. And it did indeed refer to something unpleasant: the gigantic Army-Navy-post-Thanksgiving day crowds and traffic jams, which both retail workers and police officers dreaded. The retail industry originally loathed the term, and the whole “red to black” fairy tale was tacked on sometime in the 80s by an overcaffeinated flack trying to put lipstick on a pig that had gotten a little too embarrassing for America’s shopkeepers.

Another success in the annals of public relations…