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August 7th, 2012

No…Not “Goodbye Dad.”   A Dad Loves His Son.   You Are Not A Dad.

This is making the rounds on Facebook and over at Truth Wins Out


My own Dad ended his life badly, by way of robbing banks.   I’ve said before that if I had to choose between being raised by him and being raised by any of these self styled godly men, I would unhesitatingly choose to be raised by the honest crook.

Strangers can gay bash you, they can take your life from you, but only family can chew your heart up and spit it out. But consider not only the man who wrote this. Take a moment to wonder about the person, most likely but not necessarily someone who gets up behind a pulpit every Sunday, who taught this man to hate his own son so terribly much.

Put aside for a moment if you can, your feelings toward this man. Think about the kind of person who teaches parents to hate their children and considers it righteous. Think about the kind of person who does it as a campaign strategy and considers it patriotic. What do you say to someone like that when they tell you about their deeply held moral values?


[Update…] Via Towleroad, the son who got this letter says

It’s important to know just what this zealotry from Bryan Fisher, Maggie Gallagher, Dan Cathy, et al., does to everyday people. I’ve never done drugs, was an excellent student, an obedient child (far less trouble than many of my classmates), didn’t drink until I was 22 because it terrified me, and have had just 1 speeding ticket in my life. Yet I am still seemingly deserving of this terrible act of hate and cowardice that one person can place on another. 5 years on and I am still doing fine, though this letter saunters into my mind every once in a while. When it does, I say without hesitation: F**k you, Dad.

There was a poem I read many years ago…I just tried to Google it and couldn’t…I think it was about a PFLAG mother attending a gay pride march with her son, seeing all the other lost children standing on the sidelines, watching the march go past, and upon seeing her their faces light up with a painful joy at the sight of a parent proud enough of their gay child to walk with them publicly. But behind that joy she saw also a hopeless longing. Would you be my mother…? So many lost children she sees as she walks with her own son, and she could not take them all in. It isn’t just the children who have to be carefully taught to hate, it’s the parents too. When the likes of Bryan Fischer, Maggie Gallaher, Dan Cathy, et al., speak of family values, laugh in their face.


[Update…] Fixed the Towleroad link.


[Update…] In the comments, Alsafi found the poem I was referring to, Here. Amazing how it stuck with me so long, even after I’d forgotten nearly all of its words. Which I guess just goes to show that words are just the stepping stones a poem takes you somewhere on. It’s the somewhere that’s the thing, the imagery it conjures up, not the words.


[Update…] The link the reader sent me is broken now. Luckily the Wayback Machine is there to help. Whoever it was that wrote this…thank you…it is pure gold


San Diego Pride Parade – July 18, 1992 – author unknown

There were hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of them
and only a handful of us.
The screamed and they shrieked and they cheered as we passed
yelling, “Thank you. It’s great that you care!”

Loudest of all and clearest of all
were the screams that emerged from the eyes
of the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of them
who watched as we marched down the street.

I carried a sign that stated most clear
my love for my son who is gay.

She stared at my sign
piercing my heart
with her pain.
I left the parade and moved to her side.
I held her in both of my arms.
Her sobs were intense and I tightened my grip
as she whispered her secret to me.

“My mom has disowned me since she found out.
She says I’m not right in the head.
She says that I’m weird
that I’m one to be feared
that I’ve caused her to suffer such pain.
Do you think that you could
Do you think that you might
Just be my mom for today?”

There were hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of them
looking for parents they’d lost.

There were hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of them.
But only a handful of us.

4 Responses to “No…Not “Goodbye Dad.”   A Dad Loves His Son.   You Are Not A Dad.”

  1. Snowball Says:

    As the mother of a gay son, one of the most heart wrenching things I’ve encountered is those who’ve been thrown away by their families. It seems that most of our son’s friends are in this situation, and some fare better than others. If your heart does not break for these children who’ve been abandoned by their families and too often fall prey to society, then you have no heart. Although we may not agree with all our son’s decisions (what parent does), we love him unconditionally. We opened our home to these wonderful people who are not welcomed by their own parents, and it is full of joy and love.
    Those who turn their backs on their children do not deserve the blessings they have. They are not, and never were parents.  And those who stand in the pulpits and foster such evil . . . Although I’m an atheist, I can see myself calling for those “christians” to suffer the worst torments of their own hell.

  2. Keep the light of freedom burning Says:

    […] Wilson asked. ‘That is an insult.’”“What do you say to someone like that when they tell you about their deeply held moral values?”“The cognitive dissonance here is appalling.”“The last sentence proves to […]

  3. alsafi Says:

    I was so moved by your description of the poem you’d read–I think I might have found it here:
    I know how lucky I am to have parents who have always been broad-minded and accepting of my orientation, and who have made every effort to welcome and love my partner, too. I wish everyone could say the same.

  4. Bruce Says:

    That was it Alsafi!  Thank you so much.  I forget now where I saw it originally or when, and I forgot most of it’s text. But the emotional impact it left on me stuck over the years. It’s a very powerful piece. Thanks much for digging it up.

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