I was checking over my web server logs recently and was pleasantly surprised to see that for another year This Cartoon got a lot of hits from people searching for Valentine’s Day cartoons.  It’s still somewhat of a puzzle since there is no text on the page identifying it as a Valentine’s Day cartoon, and even the image filename, "by_the_way.jpg" doesn’t give any indication.  Yet it turns up pretty reliably in the Yahoo search engine for Valentine’s Day cartoons.  Either they’re OCR-ing the image itself, or they’re keying on the link to it on my archives page, which does say "Happy Valentines Day".

You can see the search strings people use to get to you in the server logs, so I know that many folks who found the cartoon, were searching on the string "valentine’s day cartoon".  However, there were also a few cranky grouches in the mix:

homo valentines day
fuck valentine day
pervert valentine cartoon

Let’s just say none of you will be getting Valentine’s Day cards from me anytime soon.  And then there was this from someone who needs a lover worse then I do: 

valentines day on drugs

Oh, cheer up. 

Anyway, there’s nothing quite like looking though the search strings that lead to your web page to give you a somewhat unsettling glance at the human psyche.  So here’s another installment in our What The Hell Were You Thinking When You Googled That series. 

Naturally, I get a lot of hits from people searching for cartoons of one sort or another…

nude cartoon sex
cartoon sex
sex cartoons
cartoons having sex
gay cartoons having sex

I’m sensing a pattern here…

homosexuality cartoon

Okay…I have a few of those…  But I do politics, not pornography.  I think you’re going to be disappointed.

republican gay cartoon

Now that’s disgusting!

Then there are the ones who just want sex, never mind the cartoon…

mothers caught on tape having sex and fucking
niece uncle wimp incest
fucking brides at their weddings story
kink questionaire

Next time some homophobic crackpot starts yapping about how sex is all that gay men ever think about I’ll direct them to my server logs…

"sandra jones" sex
solar woman is stripped and raped fantasy stories

Who the hell is solar woman?  Well at least I’m not getting hit on by Sailor Moon fetishists.  On the other hand, this post will probably attract them like flies now…

does sally fields wear bikini underwear?

If this is about The Flying Nun I don’t want to know. 

"moan during sex"

I’m picturing a cute little geeky guy who just had his first sex ever and noticed his lover moaning and he’s searching Google to make sure that’s what’s supposed to happen.  In a few more years we’ll all be wondering how humans ever had sex before the Internet.  Like these folks who just seem to be searching for a clue as to what its all about… 

having sex
sex=sex

Well that’s been my experience.  If I was better looking and a lot more  shameless it might equal money, but on the whole I think I’d rather sex just equaled sex.  It’s complicated enough as it is.

nude gay boys in a sleeping bag

Have you tried one of Justin Lookadoo’s ex-gay summer youth camps?  Wait…  That you Justin…?

wierd men’s underwear

That the underwear that’s weird, or the men?  Or is it you? 

alien impregnation stories

Okay…we’re in the Twilight Zone now. 

how to undress a client with multiple trauma 

I ran across this one in the server logs and thought, I’ll just assume that’s really a healthcare professional asking that.  Then I thought, why would a healthcare professional be searching for instructions on Google?  Okay…who the hell was asking that? 

Behold the pure randomness of human curiosity…

plans for building reflex water distiller   
free "brochure template", industrial monitoring
sombrero brontosaur

We must be on the alert for illegal aliens from the Jurassic…

can i take my big screen tv apart so it can fit in my basement

Sure.  Try the hammer.  I bet the hammer will work.  Try the hammer.

show paragraph about drafting job what kind is job

Those who can’t write, draw…

inventor of the bowling ally
what do you think about aging

Compared to dying?  Well I’m not all that keen on dying.   Compared to bowling?  I’m not so sure.  Would I rather go bowling or get older?  Hmmmm….   That’s a toughie…

rocket to venus baltimore

Venus Baltimore is that other Venus, where the aliens wear beehive hair-dos, live in a lot of tightly packed rowhouses, keep pink flamingos on their lawns and ceramic cats on their walls and call everyone ‘Hon’.  You from earth, Hon? 

how hamburger pattie is digested in the body

Bile.  Probably.

plot summary of lot mine eyes have seen the glory by anita bryant

Bile.  Probably.

how did ricard nixon abuse power?

Now this person came in from Google…and I just now verified that Google will prompt you with "Did you mean: how did richard nixon abuse power?", yet this individual persisted with "ricard" anyway and they got one of my blog pages in a search result that clearly indicated I was talking about Ricard Wagner.   Yet they clicked on the link anyway.   Go figure.  But here’s a poor frustrated soul who really needs a few lessons in not only how to use a search engine, but when…

i give up all im asking is a simple question.i live in a house with a basement door in the front hallway gas furnace in basement now is it okay for door to be open

Ask.  Your.  Gas.  Company.  Questions.  Like.  This.