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June 9th, 2006

Well That About Sums It Up Doesn’t It…

So I’m eating a quick dinner and watching, against my better judgment, the TV news broadcasts…and I get fed up and I flip around the satellite channels…and there’s Logo, that gay channel that very seldom has anything on it that I want to watch…and somehow the listings on the TV guide are severely truncated.  The Complete Tales of the City is listed merely as Tales…  Round Trip Ticket is listed as Trip.  There’s a listing for Latter…that I suspect is for Latter Days, one of the few same sex romances I’ve ever watched worthy of being called a romance.  So I navigate over to that timeslot and click for the program listing.  Here’s what I got:

Latter Days – Romance – Steve Sandvoss, Wes Ramsey.  A young Mormon missionary has a homosexual relationship after moving from Idaho to Los Angles.

Well that about sums it up, doesn’t it?  And in that spirit, I would like to offer to the program guide editors of DirectTV my own set of quick movie summaries:

Casablanca:  An American expatriate has a heterosexual affair with the opposite sex lover of a wanted resistance fighter.

Sleepless in Seattle: A man’s son from a prior heterosexual relationship calls a radio talk show in the hope of finding his father a new heterosexual partner.

Love Story: Heterosexuality means never having to say you’re sorry. 

Wuthering Heights: Members of two wealthy families on the English moors engage in furtive heterosexual relationships and ruin each other’s lives.

Ghost: The murdered heterosexual lover of a woman comes back to haunt her.

An Affair to Remember: A woman has an affair with a person of the opposite sex.

Romeo & Juliet: Teenagers have a heterosexual relationship against the wishes of their parents.

Notting Hill: A bookshop owner desires a heterosexual relationship with a famous star who buys a book in his shop.

Never Been Kissed: A young reporter has heterosexual feelings for a teacher she has been ordered to write a negative article about.

Runaway Bride: A woman leaves many heterosexual lovers waiting at the altar.

Mystic Pizza: Three women pursue heterosexual relationships while making pizza.

Gone With the Wind: A southern man has a heterosexual relationship with a southern woman.

That ought to keep them glued to their TV screens.

2 Responses to “Well That About Sums It Up Doesn’t It…”

  1. Bill S Says:

    Actually, your plot summery of “Romeo & Juliet” makes it sound like an entirely different story-
    “But Romeo, you and Mercutio make such a nice couple! Forget that Juliet girl!”

  2. williehewes Says:

    Romeo and Mercutio DO make a nice couple though. In Baz Luhrman’s version especially, they so need to be slashed. Yum. *lol*

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