There are many reason why I do not regard myself as a Christian anymore.  Probably chief among them is I am no longer convinced that God even exists.  But even so, fundamentalism notwithstanding, I think you can still regard yourself as a Christian nonetheless.  If you think God worship is all there is to Jesus’ message, then you weren’t listening.

Forgiveness.  Here is why I just can’t call myself Christian anymore: 

Over at Box Turtle Bulletin, Jim Burroway posts that he received a phone call from a reporter saying that many proposition 102 (the Arizona anti same-sex marriage amendment) yard signs are being damaged. 

I got a phone call last night from a reporter from Phoenix’s ABC15, telling me that a spokesperson for the ’Yes” side for Prop 102 says that more than a hundred of their campaign signs were vandalized. Obviously, everyone here at No on Prop 102 condemns such vandalism. While we are happy to engage in a vigorous debate on the issues, vandalism has no place in rational debate.

Oh…good grief.  Look…if some people are willing to spread the open sewer that is their conscience out on their lawns for everyone in the world to see, then by all means leave the fucking things alone.  Seriously.  Leave them alone. 

Photograph them.  Document it.   We are living through a moment in history, however these votes turn out.  Document it.  Document it.  Document it.  And later, if the thing passes, should these fine God fearing folks feel the need to pretend that they never supported it (and they will, many of them, never doubt it), remember how you felt seeing those signs waved in your face, remember how it felt to have your ring finger cut off while they praised God, and wave their signs right back in their faces.  Yes…yes you did…

It’s good to know the names on that knife in your heart.

Jesus would say that I have to forgive.  I can appreciate how anger can turn into hate.  I can appreciate how it can corrode your soul, turn it to rust.  There is a reason why we have to forgive.  Jesus was right.  But there are some things I simply cannot forgive.  Just…can’t.  Ironically my Baptist grandmother was exactly like me in this regard.  Neither one of us could let go of a grudge.  It’s a dangerous combination I’ve lived with all my life: dad’s loaded gun temper, grandma’s ability to hold onto a grudge forever.  If I didn’t have some small smidgen of mom’s endless capacity for love and sympathy I’d be some kind of absolutely legendary asshole.  I have grudges from back in elementary school I still take out and polish every now and then.

Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.
-Edgar Watson Howe

Forgiveness.  Hopefully after November gay couples in California will still have their ring fingers, and those in Arizona and Florida will still have hope.  But if not, don’t ask me to forgive.  Ever.  I’ll laugh in your face.

[Edited a tad…]